When Melissa Neacato and her husband were about to get married, they met with a premarital couples counselor. During the sessions, one conversation popped up about their money goals, and how they ultimately planned to tackle their finances.

Neacato mentioned that one of her top priorities was to pay off their debt. At that point, they were already separately working on paying off their individual debt. “I initially wanted to pay off my debt on my own,” says Neacato, who now lives in Ann Arbor, Michigan, and is a speaker and author of TravelingWallet. “It was definitely a pride thing.” The counselor suggested that the couple work as a team.

Between the two of them, they owed roughly $106,000 in car and student loans. By joining forces, Neacato and her husband managed to knock out more than $100,000 of debt in three and a half years while living in Southern California.

Tackling debt with your partner could seem ideal—you’d have support, and perhaps more resources. But it may also enter tricky territory. There is that old-as-time adage that money is the primary source of disagreements. If you’re partnered and would like to pay off your debt as a pair, here are a handful of tips on how you can go about it.

Start talking about your values and goals

Having a candid discussion about the big picture can really help you see how paying off debt plays into reaching your goals. “You’ll also want to understand each other’s motivations for knocking out your debt,” says Elle Martinez, a podcast host and founder of Couple Money. “It’ll help you plan around those motivations.”

You may be fortunate to be completely in sync, but it’s common to not even be on the same page, Martinez points out. In that case, sit down and try to come up with one shared goal that you both want to hit by year’s end.

“When you each have a reason—whether it’s to open up options like pivoting careers, traveling, having more time for the kids—you’re more likely to stick with your plan,” Martinez says.

Neacato and her husband were motivated to free up resources to travel and visit family. They also wanted the option for Neacato to take a year off from her career as an engineer to stay home with their kids, and to each go on a mini four-month retirement. After their debt was paid off, they were able to accomplish that.

Be mindful of emotional triggers around money

The process of paying off debt may be largely methodical, though it can be hard to talk about given all of the emotions around our finances.

“Finances are difficult enough to handle alone, but when you add an equal partner into the equation, complete with their own set of financial experiences, beliefs, and expectations around money, it seems as if most money conversations are just a time bomb waiting to go off,” says Dr. Alex Melkumian, a financial psychotherapist and founder of the L.A.-based Financial Psychology Center. “When an individual is facing financial stress and economic hardships, they may try to hide it from their partner, or create conflict to deflect their own financial stress.”

“It seems as if most money conversations are just a time bomb waiting to go off.”

For most people, getting into debt is not an overnight event, but a series of choices and behaviors that may stem from impulsive spending, unwise financial strategies, and shame, guilt, regret, and fear, Melkumian explains. “These powerful emotions override our ability to think rationally, and prevent us from taking the necessary action to get out of debt.”

When first broaching the subject, be mindful of any fear, resentment, or contention that might flare up—for you or your partner. Begin by figuring out why you might have gotten into debt in the first place. Sometimes it’s based on the hope that taking on debt will help with financial, educational, or professional advancement. In hindsight, these choices might not be rooted in wise decision-making. Again, money can be highly charged with emotion.

While it might take some time to get comfortable talking about money and your debt in particular, come from a place of understanding, and you’ll eventually get there.

Figure out a payoff method that works for you

After you’ve reached a place where you can talk more openly about debt, figure out which payoff method you’d like to use. Here’s a brief breakdown of a few approaches:

Debt snowball

Order your debt by the amount you owe for various accounts, and start by paying the smallest amount. Once that’s paid off, focus on the next largest amount—and so on—until you’ve worked your way through every account. With this route, you enjoy an early win by knocking out the smallest debt, which can motivate you to stick to the plan.

Debt avalanche

Tally your debt by the interest rate, not the amount of the loan. Then, start by paying off the account with the highest rate. After that’s paid off, work on the debt with the second-highest interest rate. The main draw here is that you potentially save more on interest fees than with the debt snowball method, though it might take a bit longer to cross off the individual accounts on your list, depending on your situation.

Debt blizzard

This is a combination of the avalanche and snowball methods. Start with the debt with the lowest amount due. Once that’s paid off, proceed as if you were using the debt avalanche method: Start with the debt with the highest interest rate, then move on to the debt with the next highest rate. This way, you’ll get an early sense of accomplishment and still cut down on your interest costs.

In addition to picking an approach, decide on a timeline. Do you want to ideally crush your debt in three years? Five? 10? From there, you can create a roadmap with how much money you need to set aside.

Remember: There’s no best debt payoff approach. Rather, it’s more important to find the process that fits your goals, timeline, and money style, Martinez explains.

“Many couples have found that the debt snowball works because they’re getting these quick wins up front, which can give some motivation to push them to build that momentum,” Martinez says. “For couples who are looking at a particular timeline or are more energized to optimize the numbers, they may go for the avalanche approach.”

Use “extra” money to take leaps forward in your repayment

Now that you’ve decided on which approach you want to go with, you’ll need to discuss how you’re going to be able to afford paying off that debt. You may agree to make the most of unplanned income by putting it toward your debt. Did you get a bonus at work? Or are you raking in extra money from a periodic nightshift or overtime? If you expect a tax refund, consider using at least some of it to meet your goals.

Schedule money dates

By setting aside time on the regular to check in with your finances and with each other, you can make sure you’re on the same page. “Having a system where both have input and can check in can be a fantastic way to keep tabs on what’s working and what’s not,” Martinez says. “You don’t want resentment to fester on either side.”

Another benefit? Two sets of eyes looking over numbers means stronger odds of catching an error on an account early on.

Decide on a cadence—weekly, monthly, or each paycheck—then commit to these sessions. During the first few money dates, Martinez suggests leaving numbers off the table. “Instead, just focus on defining your goals and why they matter to you.”

It’s tempting, but don’t let fear stand in the way, Melkumian explains, adding you can think of it as a form of financial hygiene. “If you only have these conversations once every six months, there’s a lot of pent-up energy,” Melkumian says. “If you’re addressing these issues on a regular basis, you’re not letting them build up.”

Opening up about your debt situation may be a prickly situation. But in some cases, such as with Neacato and her spouse, paying off debt together strengthened their partnership. “We talk about money a lot now, and paying off our debt has given us more space in our budgets to do things that prioritize our family and increase our financial independence.”

• The number of long-term unemployed Americans (those unemployed for 27 weeks or more) is rising.
• Unemployment over a long period of time can affect your long-term career growth, potential earnings, and mental health.
• You can begin mitigating these effects by confronting the stress and anxiety of long-term unemployment and taking control of your financial plan.

A year into the pandemic, a growing number of Americans are crossing the threshold into long-term unemployment.

More than 4 million unemployed Americans (41.5% of total unemployed workers) have been out of work for at least 27 weeks, the marker of long-term unemployment, according to the Labor Department’s latest jobs report.

Even as COVID-19 cases decline and jobless claims (while still very high) slow, economic data point to a sluggish recovery ahead, with industries like hospitality and warehousing — already predicted to be among the last to return to normal — continuing to see high declines in available jobs, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

While regular state unemployment programs provide up to 26 weeks of unemployment benefits, federal stimulus in response to the pandemic has temporarily extended benefits for unemployed workers who otherwise would have already exhausted them. But another unemployment cliff on March 14 again raises the stakes for Americans still struggling in a weakened economy, with more federal relief still under discussion.

Even with federal benefits extensions allowing unemployed workers to maintain some income, slipping into long-term unemployment can have long-term effects on your career, financial future, and mental health. “We’re looking at the real effects on people’s long-term income and wealth and health,” says Elizabeth Pancotti, a senior advisor at Employ America, a progressive labor policy group.

If you’ve sustained long-term job loss over the past year, you can begin taking action today to set yourself up for a lasting financial and emotional recovery.

The Risks of Long-Term Unemployment

The six-month mark of long-term unemployment is important because of the greater potential for lasting financial damage, experts say. After that point, workers are more likely to drop out of the workforce for good, data from Urban Institute show. And those who do become employed again tend to see diminished income for the rest of their careers.

“If you’ve been out of work for so long and you just need something, you might take a job where the wages are much lower than your previous job,”  Pancotti says

How the Damage Goes Beyond Your Finances

The financial challenges caused by unemployment don’t just impact your wallet.

“It really takes a toll on the mental health of anyone who is trying to survive but at the same time is not able to make ends meet,” says Dr. Alex Melkumian, a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of the Financial Psychology Center in Los Angeles.

When someone has a consistent income, even if it’s not as much as they would like, they’re able to plan their life and future accordingly. But there’s much more financial volatility in being unemployed — from day-to-day decisions to long-term planning — which can cause added stress and anxiety.

“Constantly living with the stress and uncertainty really wears you out and wears you down over a longer period of time,” Melkumian says. And without taking action, you may land in an even more dire financial situation later.

What You Can Do to Reduce the Stress

If you’re experiencing long-term unemployment, here are a few first steps Melkumian recommends to care for your mental health while protecting your financial future:

Get Real with Your Emotions

Start by confronting the real stressors you’re facing.

“When we’re experiencing financial stress, that really can mean a lot of different things,” Melkumian says. “It can indicate a lot of underlying emotions, like ‘I am afraid that I won’t make ends meet for the next month,’ or ‘I am resentful that my industry is failing due to COVID.’”

When you don’t appreciate or acknowledge the deeper reasons for your financial stress, it’s easier to fall into negative patterns of thinking that can keep you from taking action.

If you give up budgeting because it feels pointless when you don’t even have enough money to pay rent, for example, you may miss out on the benefits, like a better understanding of your spending or the discipline to plan ahead for next month.

“The fear and reaction distress becomes an avoidance tactic and demotivates us from taking action that we should be taking,” Melkumian says.

Make a Financial Plan

Once you’ve got an idea of the challenge you’re facing, create a spending plan. “It may not be a happy or fun conversation with yourself, but it’s one of necessity,” Melkumian says.

Get a grasp on how much money you have coming in each week, any supplemental income you rely on (an occasional side hustle, freelance projects), and one-time cash you know is coming (your tax refund, unclaimed stimulus payments via the Recovery Rebate Credit). Compare that to your necessary expenses — rent, groceries, transportation — and eliminate everything that’s not essential.

Make sure you’re taking advantage of any assistance and aid you qualify for, from unemployment insurance to forbearance programs, loan deferrals, and tax relief. Dip into any emergency savings you can. If necessary, consider tapping into retirement or other investment funds for extra cash — but know the consequences and cost you may incur.

Plot Your New Normal

Once you can identify and reduce the short-term stressors, it may also be useful to begin thinking about more lasting changes to your long-term plan.

“You have to figure out a way to live,” says Dan Herron, CPA, founder of Elemental Wealth Advisors in San Luis Obispo, California. Unemployment benefits can do a lot, he says, but they’re often not enough to live on. “If we don’t have recurring stimulus checks or other measures in place and there’s not enough money coming in the door, you’ve got to figure out what’s going to work.”

Even if you’ve already trimmed your budget, take a hard look at how you might further reduce your biggest expenses. For many people, that includes rent or mortgage. Can you downsize or move in with roommates? Is refinancing your home an option? Consider your transportation costs, too. Can you sell or trade in your car for a lower monthly payment? Is your auto insurance payment taking up a significant portion of your budget?

Herron recommends also looking for freelance work in your field, or even taking on a gig work via services like Uber Eats or Instacart. If you work in a badly hit industry, or you’re not entirely sure what you want to do in the future, you might also consider making a career change.

How Unemployment Insurance Helps

Some research shows extended federal benefits can help combat lasting financial effects of unemployment.

With more time to receive unemployment benefits, workers can get jobs better suited to their skills and experience, improving both job satisfaction and productivity long-term, according to recent analysis from VoxEU, the Center for Economic Policy Research’s policy portal. The analysts used data from benefits extensions made a decade ago during the Great Recession.

But when workers lose unemployment benefits, the “scarring” effects of unemployment — like lasting lower wages — may worsen, according to a 2014 study by the Economic Policy Institute.

“The primary economic damage that is larger for long spells of joblessness is the lower incomes that result from unemployment insurance benefits being cut off, which occurs roughly around six months in most states,” the study found.

Just how long additional federal unemployment benefits will extend during the current recession remains unknown, but further stimulus is already under debate in Congress. In the meantime, continue to recertify for unemployment insurance each week, contact your state’s unemployment office with issues, and follow up on any correspondence you do receive.

It’s OK to Ask for Help

While the financial benefits are clear, there’s a stigma of unemployment benefits that can take an emotional toll on claimants, Melkumian says. Many of his clients see relying on unemployment insurance as a “low point.”

“It speaks to a cultural narrative that we have,” he says. “Filing for unemployment is culturally looked upon as one of the most difficult and unwelcome things to do. It’s looked at as a last resort and means that you’re not really succeeding and doing well in life.”

But letting go of that self-judgment is important, he says. “If not now, then when can you ask for help?” he says. “It becomes a conversation of empowerment and encouragement.” Keeping that positive mindset can mean all the difference.

Where Do We Go from Here?

The struggle many unemployed Americans are facing today is unlike anything that we’ve seen before, Melkumian says. He even predicts that we’ll look back on some of the financial and emotional toll of the past year as inciting a traumatic response.

Emotional agility has helped many people stay resilient through these times — for some, the hardest they’ve experienced in their lifetimes, according to Melkumian. “That’s a skillset and a coping strategy that will pay dividends in the longer-term,” he says.