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Why the World is Turning to Financial Therapy for Help

Blog 2 of 3 in the Introduction to Financial Therapy blog series.

This brief blog series will illustrate how the growing field of Financial Psychology can revolutionize people’s turbulent relationships with money. Through understanding the roots and influence of their personal financial psychology, individuals find themselves able to discard the inherited programming that drives their financial decisions, and that no longer serves them.

The complete list of blogs in this series are at the bottom of this article.

Why the World is Turning to Financial Therapy for Help

How low-income, middle-class, and wealthy individuals alike are all beginning to realize that financial wellness begins in the mind.

There is no mystery to managing personal finance. In spite of money management being woefully absent from school curricula, most people manage to understand the basics: earn more than you spend, save as much as you can, invest in a future day. However, an entire industry is built on educating people on the finer points of financial management. Books, articles, television programs, and radio shows all devote countless words over countless hours to provide insight into the details of handling personal finance. Yet millions of Americans find themselves grossly in debt, having saved little or nothing for retirement, and unable to enact the simplest changes to their financial lives. The impact of the COVID pandemic has greatly exacerbated the already alarming state of personal finance and sent our society into a K shaped recovery.

The financial industry suggests that if you are more educated about money management, retirement plans, and investment programs you should be able to grow your wealth. Likewise, the education industry aligns with the narrative that a more advanced degree would enable you to obtain a higher-paying job—your financial stress evaporating because of the increased income. When both strategies show minimal results, many people blame themselves and internalize the narrative as being defective or irresponsible. But for a large number of individuals who are trapped in living beyond their means, underearning, neglecting savings, or compulsively spending high incomes, there is good news.

The financial industry does provide significant benefit in certain areas of personal finance. However, most financial advisors’ ideas about personal decision making are based in rational choice theory, which states that human beings are rational and will make optimal decisions, resulting in outcomes aligned with their own best interests. But humans are not always rational in all areas of their lives—including their behavior with money. Thus, financial therapists in corporate elements from the field of clinical psychology to examine how emotions, beliefs, and personal narratives impact both short-term and long-term financial behavior.

A new awareness of how behaviors with money are influenced by childhood history has created a driving force to uncover, understand, and discard the money stories that don’t serve us in our current, day-to-day lives. Such stories underlie financial disorders that manifest in a variety of patterns such as underearning, over-working, or see-sawing as a high-stress, feast-or-famine intermittentincome earner. All of these behaviors result in shame, leaving the sufferer feeling incompetent or paralyzed and unworthy.

A Solution to Financial Stress and Emotions

Awareness is the first element of the solution. This is where Financial Therapy comes in, as more and more people are coming to recognize as the solution to their self-sabotaging financial habits and accompanying financial stress. Working with a financial therapist, individuals find a safe place to examine the money beliefs that drive their flawed financial habits. This allows them to identify and interpret the money stories rooted in their personal history, and to acknowledge economic mistakes with grace and self-compassion. This awareness leads to financial transformation and feelings of empowerment.

For a free consultation about your best course to financial stability and health, call 818.600.2264

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Introduction to Financial Psychology blog series

This brief blog series will illustrate how the growing field of Financial Psychology can revolutionize people’s turbulent relationships with money. Through understanding the roots and influence of their personal financial psychology, individuals find themselves able to discard the inherited programming that drives their financial decisions, and that no longer serves them.

Explore the Introduction to Financial Psychology blog series

Blog 1 – What is Financial Psychology

Blog 2 – Why the World is Turning to Financial Therapy for Help.

Blog 3 –  How Financial Therapy can Help you.

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Conquering COVID: Financial Trauma and Recovery

Since the outbreak of COVID 19, the lives of people all around the world have shifted drastically. From social distancing to endless quarantine, numerous sudden changes in our lifestyle have greatly impacted both our macroeconomy and our management of our personal finances. The unprecedented societal disruptions have left many people financially traumatized, and irrevocably affected our ideas around money. It is important to fully realize that such changes may be permanent, and recovery may require a learning curve for many of us.

Although daily life appeared to come to a screeching halt during the past five months, the shift in people’s attitudes toward money and finance accelerated. Fear, confusion, and uncertainty thrust whole populations into survival mode, with citizens frantically purchasing and hoarding common household items, leaving supermarket shelves empty. BBC news journalist Bryan Lufkin explained the reasoning behind such blind panic reactions as “fear of the unknown, and [the belief] that a dramatic event warrants a dramatic response—even though, in this case, the best response is something as mundane as washing your hands.”

Looking back, we may categorize such extreme emotional activity as irrational and unreasonable. However, David Savage, an associate professor of behavior and microeconomics, wrote, “But emotions are not irrational: they help us decide how to focus our attention” (The Conversation, 2020). As humans, our emotions play a large and important part in decision making, both in response to possibly life-threatening external factors—such as the pandemic—and considerations as mundane as personal finance. In “normal” times, certain reactions might seem unhinged and fanatical; however acknowledging, examining, and valuing our emotions can help us decipher what our feelings may be trying to convey.

Five months into the global crisis, mask-wearing is the norm and the term “social distancing” is part of our daily vocabulary. At the same time, we have weathered losses not seen since the Great Depression, both in employment and in overall personal wealth, radically altering our usual patterns of spending. Baker and colleagues (2020) recently studied household expenditures in the United States, finding a sudden, steep increase in spending between February 26th and March 10th, followed by a 50% downward spike, then another sharp drop. Behavior being a clear reflection of emotions, the upward surge was easily attributable to the “fight-or-flight” survival response, as large segments of the public hurried to stockpile certain grocery items. The subsequent precipitous decrease clearly illuminated the struggle of many families to pay their bills. Different populations have adapted to this new state of adversity by fundamentally modifying former habits and priorities. It is evident that, for many, “getting and spending” currently take a back seat to saving up for an uncertain future and maintaining as much control as possible over family finances.

Conversely, others found themselves turning to compulsive online shopping— “retail therapy”—in an attempt to “medicate” their distress. Instead of relief, this behavior only served to exacerbate their anxiety as their reckless spending increased their financial problems. Along with mounting dread over deepening debt came feelings of deep shame and self-recrimination over the increased danger of unrestrained shopping spreading infection to delivery personnel and others.

As consequences of the pandemic continue to mount, new behaviors—rooted in adverse experiences and emotions during this time—will certainly materialize. CNBC reporter Chloe Taylor (2020) wrote that “a generation of risk-averse supersavers could emerge from the fallout of the coronavirus crisis and potentially reshape the economy.” The widespread economic misfortune this pandemic has inflicted may affect the ways we manage our money far into the future. Many individuals may become much more cautious about extending themselves for financial gain. An increase in precautionary savings in the U.S. is similarly likely.

On the other hand, other sources argue that this is a temporary and a relatively small financial setback in a much bigger world. Daniel Crosby, a well-known psychologist and a behavioural finance expert writes, “It’s human nature to assume that all we see is all that will ever be, but markets operate on a more forward-looking basis and realize that ‘this too shall pass.’ ”. He emphasizes the importance of believing in a better and brighter future in order to be the best investors we can be. As mentioned above, it is a small bump in a larger scheme of things – the market does not radically change overnight and it might be in our best interest to recognize the importance of consistency by not changing our behaviour as much.

While a lot of us would choose to be proactive in terms of managing our finances, many who have been deeply wounded and traumatized worry that a successful economic adjustment may take months or years to achieve. It is helpful to acknowledge that, throughout this pandemic, workable adaptations were made quickly and reasonably. This is proof of the power of our emotions and thoughts over unconscious behavior.

Many of us previously approached our lives without a moment of doubt over the apparent permanence of our social structures. That notion crumbled before our eyes, serving as a much-needed wakeup call. The resulting rapid shift of a whole generation’s former capricious financial behavior to a “tighten-your-belt” mentality clearly proved that harnessing our emotions can change our money habits in positive, if unpredictable, ways.

Our human capacity for adaptation over a very short period of time does not mean, however, that we can expect to coast back to “normal” at the same velocity. The unexpected crisis exposed an already precarious economic situation for many people, revealing the missing elements of thought and planning in their approach to money management. It has been a series of chaotic months for a lot of us financially. Moving forward, while we might assume that from all we have endured, our actions will reflect our experience and will be nothing like what we expected before; however, the intricate financial world does not change easily. In order to achieve a similar state as pre-covid, it may be in our best interest to keep the bigger and brighter picture in mind and seek for continuity and stability. Although it is tempting to believe that our lives will eventually return to their 2019 standard, the indelible lesson is that we must learn how to respect and understand our own emotional reactions if we are to effectively guide our financial affairs with intention and forethought. The alternative is to continue to find ourselves at the mercy of circumstance.

For a free consultation about your best course to financial stability and health, call 818.600.2264

References:

Savage, D. A., & Torgler, B. (2020, April 24). Stocking up to prepare for a crisis isn’t “panic buying.” It’s actually a pretty rational choice. Retrieved August 13, 2020, from https://theconversation.com/stocking-up-to-prepare-for-a-crisis-isnt-panic-buying-its-actu ally-a-pretty-rational-choice-132437.

Lufkin, B. (2020, March 4). Coronavirus: The psychology of panic buying. Retrieved August 13, 2020, from  https://www.bbc.com/worklife/artic le/20200304-coronavirus-covid-19-update-why-people-are-stockpiling.

Taylor, C. (2020, April 03). Coronavirus could create “a generation of supersavers” and reshape the economy. Retrieved August 13, 2020, from https://www.cnbc.com/2020/04/03/coronavirus-m ay-create-a-generation-of-supersavers-who-reshape-economy.html.

Baker, S., Farrokhnia, R., Meyer, S., Pagel, M., & Yannelis, C. (2020). How Does Household Spending Respond to an Epidemic? Consumption During the 2020 COVID-19 Pandemic. doi:10.3386/w26949.

Daniel Crosby, D. (2020, August 11). The Strange Psychology of COVID-19 and Investor Behavior. Retrieved August 24, 2020, from https://www.kiplinger.com/investing/601211/the-strange-psychology-of-covid-19-and-investor-behavior.

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Lending Money to Family Is Complicated. Here’s How to Do it Right

(Fatherly.com) – When a family member falls on hard times and needs a hand, stepping up is the sensible thing to do. The immediate reaction should be: What do you need and how can I help? But when the ensuing request is for financial help, the decision becomes a bit more difficult. Dealing with family is rarely drama-free. But lending money to family is riddled with conflict. It immediately creates a situation that dredges up resentment, anger, and worry. How, then, do you go through with a family loan without it being such a nightmare?

Even in the most straightforward agreement, money creates an imbalance. It involves power and control. You have it. They don’t, and, if the deal goes bad, the nature of your relationship, and the family dynamic, can be changed for good. It can be, in a word, “messy”, says Jennifer Calder, financial therapist in Montpelier, Vermont.

Still, you’re not turning away from a relative, and a family loan does not automatically mean disaster. But, to make lending money work, you need to balance your head and heart. It takes self-examination about what you’re getting into and it involves having open conversations. This isn’t a fun exercise. But the process can head off the anxiety, reduce surprises, and end up making a deal that works for both sides.

Responding to a Family Loan Request: What to Think About

Your brother asks you for money. You want to respond, “Of course,” but the answer can’t be impulsive. You need time. There are complications, both obvious and unforeseen, to explore. So how do you begin?

Calder says to start with two essential, fair questions: “How much?” and “What’s it for?” Once you have the basics, it’s perfectly reasonable to then say, “Let me think about this for a couple of says,” because there is even more to take into account.

On the practical level, the main concern is Can I afford to give him this money? Over-extending yourself merely causes stress that can bubble up into resentment. If the amount of money he’s requesting is doable, then you have to talk it over with your spouse, particularly if its a joint account. Not mentioning it, Calder notes, is breeding ground for financial infidelity. Lying to your spouse about money is never a good move.

But the considerations you need to make before lending money to family are not all practical. The most essential is a basic rule of lending: You may never see the money again. But you will see this person again. You have to ask yourself: How will I feel if it’s not repaid?, notes Alex Melkumian, financial therapist and founder of Financial Psychology Center in Los Angeles.

This is an important question. And if you’re comfortable with the prospect, it becomes a smoother process. Calder and Melkumian both say that making it a gift — tax implications, aside – makes it even smoother. (More on that in a bit.) But before you go ahead, it’s necessary to think: Is this request part of a troubling pattern or a sign of atypical hard times?

With all these considerations laid out, you come to three options:

  1. Yes.
  2. No, I can’t.
  3. No, I don’t want to.

Regardless of your answer, the conversation continues, and ways to help are still possible.

Lending Money to Family: If Your Answer Is No.

If a family member asks you to lend them money and your answer is “No,” the way in which you deliver your answer is crucial. Is the reason because of your financial situation? Say “I love you, but I can’t afford it right now.” Is the reason because you don’t feel comfortable giving the money, say something like, “I love you too much and I’m worried that this will damage our relationship.” It’s not a desired answer, obviously. But you can follow either with, “I still want to help,” and then you two can brainstorm.

Depending on the underlying issue – bad job, outdated skills, poor money management – you could offer to pay for a counselor or adviser. You could look for ways to free up your brother’s time in order to job hunt or take a class. The point is, as Melkumian notes, “money is not the only resource.”

Lending Money to Family: If Your Answer Is Yes

If your answer is yes, then you need to talk with the requestor frankly. Again, it’s simpler to gift it, and you can put it on yourself with, “Do this for me. I don’t want to jeopardize us. Pay me back if you can, but you don’t have to.” It doesn’t take away all the guilt, but some weight is lifted, notes Melkumian. Plus, the option still exists to repay, which doesn’t conflict with the asker’s pride.

But if you are going to make it a family loan, you have to figure out the details of interest and repayment, and go through as many scenarios as possible. Calder calls these the “What-ifs?”, the most important being if repayment can’t happen.

One thing that helps is to set a re-payment schedule that includes regular check-ins where you talk about the practical as well as the emotional issues. It could be asking along the way, “How are you doing?” Remember, it’s family, and, “Family relationships are more important than money,” Melkumian says.

With the schedule, you’ve built in a release valve. You, as the lender, don’t have to stew or wonder about what’s happening, because you know you two will be talking. “The more we leave to the imagination, the more opportunity there is for stress, anxiety and resentment,” he says.

And talking serves two more purposes. It’s a barometer, for one. If your relative isn’t willing to engage, it’s a strong sign that lending isn’t wise. But by getting everything out, fewer things will come as a shock. “The more you talk about the transaction, it will become easier to talk about it,” Calder says.

Gaining a Release

Here’s one more thing to accept: Once you give the money, it’s gone, and you need to let it go, Calder says. You can’t constantly check up on or micro-manage the person. At family gatherings or even on text threads, no one wants to feel judged or that every comment is interpreted through the outstanding loan.

Here’s a way to reframe perspective. Instead of focusing on the money, Melkumian says, think of this: Your brother or sister is struggling. You want to see him or her rebound and you want your relationship to remain strong. Act like you would with watching your stocks or even your hair grow. Progress isn’t seen by the hour, day, or week. You’re making an investment into someone you care about. That takes time. “Trust the process,” he says.

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Written by Steve Calechman

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1 in 3 Americans Don’t Know How Much of Their Income Goes to Debt

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Debt is a four-letter word in many households. Some people don’t want to talk about it or face the debt they owe. Whether it’s because they’re ashamed of their debt or they don’t know how they’re going to pay it back, ignoring debt can become a significant problem.

If you’ve been ignoring your debt, you aren’t alone. But figuring out how much you owe can help you take control of your situation.

Why 1 in 3 Don’t Know About Their Debt

According to a recent study from Northwestern Mutual, more than one in three Americans don’t know how much of their monthly income goes toward paying off debt. To make matters worse, roughly one in five Americans don’t know how much debt they carry.

Debt may cause stress, anxiety, and physical illness.

When we’re faced with something we’re uncomfortable with, the first reaction to stress or fear is avoidance, according to Dr. Alex Melkumian, founder of the Financial Psychology Center in Los Angeles, California.

The Northwestern Mutual study found that 45% of Americans with debt feel anxious, 35% feel guilty, and 20% feel physically ill about their debt at least once a month.

Anxiety can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you’re anxious about your debt, you won’t feel motivated to tackle it. But the more you ignore it, the more anxious you may feel. This creates a negative feedback loop that can be hard to stop.

Anxiety can create physical symptoms such as muscle tension, shortness of breath, insomnia, and fatigue, Dr. Melkumian said. People with these symptoms may not be able to confront their debt as easily as others.

Large amounts of debt can cause a feeling of hopelessness.

Others may avoid their debt because the total amount owed is significant, and it will take a long time to pay it off. About 12% of people had no clue how long they’d be in debt, while 15% of people believed they’d be in debt for the rest of their lives.

“People think of their debt as scary by the time it accrues to a certain number,” Dr. Melkumian said.

This number varies by person, but the longer you feel you’ll be in debt ,the more hopeless you may feel about your situation.

Related: How to Pay Off Unexpected Medical Debt

Some people don’t check how much they owe because it’s not a pressing issue. They may feel like they have a good handle on their financial situation. They make their payments without any issues, but still can’t calculate how much of their income goes toward debt.

“I am one of those Americans who didn’t know how much debt they had,” said Steffa Mantilla, owner of the personal finance blog Money Tamer. “We would purchase everything based on the payments. If the car dealership or furniture store ran our credit and said we could afford it, we’d go forward. Over time, it adds up and you don’t realize that you have thousands of dollars leaving every month via monthly payments.”

To calculate the percentage that your monthly debt payments take up compared to your income, you have to know your combined debt and income numbers. These numbers aren’t readily available for people who aren’t tracking their payments regularly. They have to spend time researching and compiling this information to get the answer.

Related: Here’s How One Family Paid Off $120,000 to Become Debt Free

Why Knowing Your Debt is Helpful

While ignorance may feel like bliss, being oblivious about your debt won’t help improve your finances. Even if your monthly payments are under control, being aware of how much you owe and how much of your income goes toward paying off debt is important. It may motivate you to get out of debt faster.

“Knowing how much debt you have gives you clarity and the power of choice,” Dr. Melkumian said.

Being aware of your debt situation helps you gauge how much money is left to tackle your other financial priorities. This can include saving for retirement, paying for your child’s college education, or traveling abroad. The less you owe, the more you have available for other goals.

If you plan to apply for a mortgage, knowing your debt-to-income ratio is vital. Lenders require your debt-to-income ratio to be below a certain amount to qualify for various loan programs.

While the ideal goal is maintaining a debt-to-income ratio of less than 36%, a few mortgage programs allow ratios as high as 50%. If you know your debt-to-income ratio, you can figure out how large of a mortgage you may be able to get approved for based on your current income and debt levels.

Related: How to Get Your Spouse on Board with Paying Off Debt

How to Calculate Your Total Debt

You can calculate your total debt in two main ways. First, add up the balance you owe on each of your loans and lines of credit, including credit cards, student loans, car loans, mortgages, personal loans, and and any other outstanding debts.

The other way to calculate your total debt is to add up the monthly payments you make each month. This can help you answer the question of how much of your monthly income goes toward paying off debt. For most types of debt, use the minimum amount due each month.

When using the monthly payment method, calculating your mortgage payment is an exception. You can’t always add your full monthly mortgage payment. Most people have an escrow payment (used to pay homeowners insurance and property taxes) as part of their monthly payment.

To get the debt portion of your mortgage payment, consult your mortgage statement. Then, add the principal, interest, and private mortgage insurance (PMI), if applicable.

Once you know the total debt payments, divide it by your monthly income. This method gives you insight into how much of your income goes toward making your debt payments each month. Once you have this information, you can calculate your debt-to-income ratio.

Where to find your debt

Finding how much you owe can be problematic if you haven’t been tracking it in the past. First, decide what kind of system you want to use to track your debt.

“If you’re a paper and pencil person, then do that,” Dr. Melkumian said. “If you’re very high tech, then you can do your own spreadsheet.”

You can find your debt in a couple of ways. The first is to watch for all debt-related bills you get over the next month. Every time you get a bill emailed or sent to you, put it in a folder. At the end of the month, add up all of the debt.

Your credit reports can help you find your debt faster. You can visit AnnualCreditReport.com to get a copy of your credit report from Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion. The information may not be 100% up to date because it may not reflect your most recent payments, but it should be fairly accurate.

If your creditors don’t report a debt to one of the bureaus, then it won’t show on your credit report. That’s why you should double check this against the bills you receive and the payments you make.

How to calculate your debt-to-income ratio

Calculating your debt-to-income ratio is easy once you pull together the underlying numbers. There are two ratios you can calculate. The ratios use the same numbers for debt, which is your total monthly debt payments. However, they use different numbers for income.

The first debt-to-income ratio uses your gross income. Your gross income is all income you receive before taxes or other payroll deductions. For salaried individuals, this is your salary. For hourly individuals, it’s your hourly rate multiplied by the number of hours you work.

To calculate your debt-to-income ratio based on your gross income, divide your monthly debt payments by your gross income. You can use this debt-to-income calculator to do the math for you. This is the debt-to-income ratio most mortgage lenders use when calculating how much mortgage you can get approved for.

The other debt-to-income ratio uses your net income. While definitions may vary on exactly what to exclude from your gross income to get to your net income, the easiest way is to use your paycheck’s net amount as your net income.

This is the amount of money that’s actually deposited in your bank account on payday. However, many people have their healthcare premiums or 401(k) contributions taken out of their income. If that’s true in your case, you’ll add those back in for the sake of this ratio.

To calculate your debt-to-income ratio based on your net income, divide your monthly debt payments by your net income. This ratio is more useful for figuring out how much of your available income goes toward debt payments each month.

Finding Your Total Debt Can Be a Wake-Up Call

Figuring out exactly how much you owe can be an eye-opening experience. For some, it’s less than they thought. For others, it’s much more.

Regardless of what you find out, knowing your numbers gives you the power to change your situation for the better. Once you know where you stand, you can start getting out of debt. This may include creating a budget, starting a side hustle, or becoming more mindful of how you spend money.

Understanding your debt can motivate you to stick to a budget or cut back on spending. This may be the best wake-up call you can get. You can look to others for inspiration to see it’s possible to get out of consumer debt for good.

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How to Make Mundane Moments With Your Kids Feel Actually Special

(Fabric) – After my husband bought an additional TV for our bedroom, he, our son and I were on three devices at the same time. The only real talking we did was to tell each other to turn down the volume.

Before coronavirus forced us to spend every minute together, I’d find myself complaining about picking up my son from preschool, biking the few miles in the intense Florida heat.

The fact that my husband and I both work from home, plus my son’s getting used to his at-home routine means we have plenty of “opportunities” to spend time together. Of course, relishing these moments can feel hard, especially with work deadlines and your children acting up because their routine is disrupted.

That’s why I’ve asked relationship, family and money experts to help you find ways to savor even the mundane time that you spend with your family—whether or not you’re in the middle of a pandemic.

Here are some seemingly ordinary activities you can do with your family that’ll help you grow closer together (instead of tearing each other apart).

1. Create a New Routine Together

It can be helpful to create a new routine, especially if your old ones have been disrupted. Instead of dictating the routine to your kids, why not involve your children in the planning?

Jonathan Dixon, a licensed marriage and family therapist, suggests families start slow. Schedule a time when everyone is free and won’t be interrupted. Take the time to listen to what activities each family member enjoys and how they can be implemented into the week ahead.

“Try a routine similar to you and your children’s typical daily schedule,” he says. “This can help you get into your child’s world a bit; ask them to show you what their day would’ve looked like at school. Ask what they love to do for recess and try incorporating those activities.”

It could also be helpful to discuss a morning routine where you’re spending time together before going off to your separate activities. For example, Fabric’s editorial director Allison Kade has found it hard to be quarantined with her husband and toddler while trying to work a full-time job, but she’s been trying to see the upside: “The three of us now have breakfast together pretty much every day, which we didn’t do before.”

See if you can build positivity into these new daily routines. Kade says, “To try to focus on—and bond over—something positive, we’ve been taking turns saying something we’re grateful for over breakfast.” More often than not, her 2-year-old announces that she’s grateful for the bib she’s wearing. “One time she said she was grateful for her Papa, though!”

While you’re getting used to a new routine, Dixon suggests checking in once a week and adjusting if necessary. Dr. Alex Melkumian, a relationship therapist and founder of the Financial Psychology Center, agrees. “Have your family think of this as a team effort so it’ll encourage buy-in from them.”

2. Make Your Walks Meaningful

Especially in a “socially distanced” world where there isn’t much to do other than going for a walk, this sounds about as mundane as it gets, right?

For Leisa Peterson, author of soon-to-be published book The Mindful Millionaire, this seemingly simple activity helps her to engage in really good conversations and learn new things about her family.

“I have a teenager, which means conversation, when it happens, is priceless. It allows us to ask each other questions about how what’s happening in the world could affect our lives and our future,” she says. “My son is incredibly insightful and I always learn new things when he is talking.”

Walking or hiking in nature also helps her family get some much-needed exercise. “I think that spending time with my family is my greatest joy in life—there is nothing like being able to connect deeply with my family through communication and being in nature together,” Peterson says.

For younger kids, too, getting outside can make a big behavioral difference. “My toddler might be throwing a tantrum at home, but once we get her outside, she tends to absorb what’s around her and become a different person,” says Kade.

3. Rent a Movie (Then Talk About It)

After discovering that my family watches three different shows on three different screens, I made it a point to watch a movie together. We each take turns picking one we like and we all talk about it.

Couples counselor Adam H. Kol, J.D. says that spending  a few dollars to rent a movie (which you can do through plenty of online services like Amazon) can actually be a great use of funds because it can facilitate meaningful discussion.

He suggests movies that help you relive your childhood memories, which will encourage you to share some of these stories with your children. Or, really, any movie where you kids will be able to recall details and be able to articulate their opinion afterwards.

“A mundane activity such as this means you’re carving out intentional time where you minimize the use of cell phones or other distractions,” he says. “It means setting aside jobs or other commitments to simply be together.”

4. Transform Chores Into Activities

OK, let’s be real: When life is busy, it’s not always possible to carve out special time. But attempting to relish the moment with your kids doesn’t have to mean special field trips, especially if you can make your chores feel more meaningful.

It can feel anxiety inducing to have your kids, especially little ones, do chores. How long does it really take to put building blocks away?

But Joel Larsgaard, host of the How To Money podcast and father of two young kids himself, takes chores as an opportunity. That means embracing the craziness, and accepting that the house will get messy and it’ll take longer to complete certain tasks.

“It’s a blast to have our kids cook with us, but only if we go into it knowing that we’ll have a far bigger mess on our hands when all is said and done,” he says. “The goal isn’t efficiency. It’s to enjoy time together, and to help them learn some important skills.”

Laarsgard also suggests resisting the temptation to use your phone during these times. Especially if you find yourself stuck in the house together, try to forget about the additional time it’ll take to cook or put away laundry or do the dishes—and attempt to make these things feel less like chores in the first place.

5. Introduce Kids To Your Favorite Hobbies

Constantly trying to come up with activities to keep our kids engaged is all well and good, but it can be exhausting. Especially if you’ve internalized the pressure to make every activity educational, and if you have a life of your own and things you need to get done.

Emily Guy Birken, author of End Financial Stress Now, suggests finding ways to incorporate your hobbies into the activities you do with your kids, so you can get something out of the experience, too.

“My husband is an automotive engineer, and he will have the kids help him with any car repairs he is doing,” she says. “He’s also got an old lawnmower engine that he kept specifically so he and the kids could take it apart.”

Birken, meanwhile, asks her kids to help her with her current cross stitch project. She has also passed on her love of reading by sharing her favorite comic books from when she was a child. “Sharing the things you love is a wonderful way to enjoy time together,” she says, and it enables you to take some time and energy for yourself, too.

6. Sometimes Money Can Buy Quality Time

Think about whether any given purchase, whether it’s a board game or paying extra for a convenience that saves you time, is worthwhile if it means more quality time with those you love.

Dr. Melkumian suggests that if your kids are old enough to talk about budgeting, this could be a great opportunity to teach them about financial concepts like weighing the costs and benefits of a purchase.

The key, really, is that you don’t need to do anything grandiose to show someone you care, or to make the most of your family life. It’s what you do with your time that will make it special, even (or especially) those seemingly mundane minutes.

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What Is Financial Anxiety, and How Do You Cope With It?

(Northwestern Mutual) – The coronavirus pandemic has been full of uncertainties, with financial security chief among them. Nearly everyone — not just those who’ve lost a job or had their income reduced — is feeling worried and concerned. So what is financial anxiety?

“Financial anxiety is a feeling of distress around money when you have the necessary resources,” says Alex Melkumian, a licensed therapist who specializes in financial psychotherapy. “You’re unable to stop worrying and you lose sleep over financially related issues.” It’s a lot to cope with, but there are ways to combat it. Read on for expert advice and strategies.

WHO IS AFFECTED BY FINANCIAL ANXIETY?

People struggle with financial anxiety for a variety of reasons. Some are simply more prone to worrying about their finances. For others, financial anxiety can stem from growing up in a household where their parents worried about money, which may mean they are likely to repeat and re-create a similar home environment.

As the trajectory of the pandemic remains unknown, lack of control is a major source of anxiety, says Heather Lyons, a licensed psychologist and owner of the Baltimore Therapy Group. “We can bring down levels of anxiety by realizing areas where we do have control,” she says. “It’s important to realize that we can take action. We can’t wake up from this nightmare with the snap of our fingers and we can’t fix it all by ourselves, but we certainly aren’t helpless.”

IF YOU’RE CONCERNED ABOUT POTENTIAL FINANCIAL HARDSHIPS

Between rising unemployment rates and a fluctuating stock market, it’s understandable to be concerned about what your future financial picture might look like. “My suggestion would be to stay in the moment and deal with it as it comes, and that is the hardest part of dealing with financial anxiety,” Melkumian says. “Anxiety in general is worrying about future outcomes, so when [we do this], we’re not in the present and we miss out on what actually needs to be done.”

To adopt a more present mindset, Melkumian encourages his patients to address their anxiety head-on. “When we don’t have containment for our emotions, such as anxiety, stress, fear, worry and sadness, they tend to overtake our mental health and our perspective,” he says. “Then, all of a sudden that person is stressed, anxious or sad — and then they have the unfortunate propensity to become clinically anxious and depressed.”

By giving yourself a dedicated — but limited — time to experience these emotions, you can then try to focus on not worrying for the rest of the day. Melkumian suggests spending five minutes or even half an hour each day to mull over and acknowledge your financial concerns, which can help you avoid ruminating obsessively. “The whole point is to stay balanced and aware,” he says. “You acknowledge, but don’t wallow.”

Allow yourself to recognize your feelings of frustration, anger or sadness instead of pushing them away. “This is an objectively difficult time,” Lyons says. “We need to allow ourselves to grieve our old lives.” She also suggests picking up a mindfulness practice like focused breathing.

IF YOU’VE ALREADY EXPERIENCED A FINANCIAL SETBACK

An unfortunate reality of the coronavirus pandemic is that you may have already experienced a major financial loss, such as losing your job or having to cancel a non-refundable event or vacation.

In these situations, Melkumia encourages you to try not to dwell. Instead, focus on reframing the situation. “The more you fight against the idea that things are not going to be as good as they were before, the more anxiety that produces,” he says. “So the sooner you can get accept the here and now, you can then move forward and start taking action steps toward what needs to be done.”

It’s also important to remember that these events can be more than just financial setbacks; they can be social and emotional ones as well. Lyons says it’s important to think of a cancelled milestone, like a wedding, as a loss and to grieve it accordingly. “People spend months, if not years, planning weddings, and the budget often reflects the magnitude of the event in a couple’s lives,” she says. “Couples might begin to cope with this by first acknowledging how unfair it is and identifying all that they were looking forward to that they’ll miss out on. It’s OK to feel sad and even angry about this loss.” It can also be helpful to think about next steps, such as getting married legally and celebrating later.

IF YOU’RE FEELING ANXIOUS IN GENERAL

You may be experiencing anxiety for other reasons right now, such as not being able to visit elderly parents or struggling to be productive while working from home. Creating some predictability, such as building a schedule (even a loose one), can help. This can be as simple as waking up at the same time, taking regular breaks and planning meals. Add in virtual happy hours or dance parties to remind yourself of all there is to look forward to.

And if you’ve been seeing a therapist, don’t let social distancing stop you from having sessions. “Research suggests that teletherapy is just as effective as in-person therapy for many concerns,” Lyons says.

It’s important to be patient during the transition to online therapy. There will be technical difficulties, and minimizing distractions might require you to get creative. For example, if there’s not a quiet place in your house, consider attending therapy in your car. “I’ve been seeing clients online, and I’ve been amazed at how similar these sessions feel to the real thing,” Lyons says.