It\u2019s well known that money is one of the most common subjects for couples to argue about. A\u00a02019 study<\/a>\u00a0from the University of Tennessee, Knoxville reported that regardless of the happiness level within the relationship, money is a topic that couples consistently disagree on.<\/p>\n

However, talking finances aren\u2019t always a negative, especially if you\u2019re single and actively dating. A\u00a0 recent study from eToro<\/a> suggests owning cryptocurrency and placing that in your online dating profile makes you more desirable.<\/p>\n

So regardless if you\u2019re married, casually dating or somewhere in the middle, how can Americans continue to maintain and build healthy relationships while also continuing to work towards their financial goals?\u00a0 Select<\/a>\u00a0talked to two experts about what people can do to improve their money and intimate relationships.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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How dating and money intersects<\/h2>\n
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It\u2019s not a secret that people in committed relationships tend to perform well financially. A\u00a0 Pew Research study<\/a>\u00a0found that in 2019, men and women both earned more and were more financially sound in a committed relationship. However, that doesn\u2019t mean someone should date solely for financial security.<\/p>\n
But if you\u2019re actively dating, it\u2019s normal to be curious of a potential partner\u2019s financial situation, regardless of where you\u2019re at in the dating process. Damona Hoffman, OkCupid Dating Coach and Host of\u00a0 The Dates & Mates Podcast<\/a>, suggests \u201cdaters who get better with their money will naturally attract better dating prospects because\u00a0it is still one of the primary\u00a0attractors in our society.\u201d<\/p>\n
In fact, the likelihood of a single saying wealth is important in a match nearly doubled on OkCupid during the pandemic. Hoffman said this was likely because financial security was low for many as unemployment rates skyrocketed in the early months of the Covid-19 induced shutdowns.<\/p>\n
So having more money than less is definitely a \u201cplus\u201d on the dating market.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, the exact thing that can be attractive to so many can also cause the end of a relationship. According to a survey from the\u00a0 Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts<\/a>, \u201cmoney issues\u201d is the third leading cause of divorce \u2014 behind \u201cbasic incompatibility\u201d and \u201cinfidelity\u201d. One respondent of the survey stated, \u201cmany couples lack the communication skills necessary to navigate financial disagreements in their marriage.\u201d<\/p>\n
So how can something that is a \u201cplus\u201d be the end to so many relationships?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
The psychology of money and relationships<\/h2>\n
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There is no one key to success in any relationship, but common themes among strong relationships are\u00a0shared values and common goals<\/em>. And when the subject of personal finance arises, Hoffman suggests you\u2019ll naturally begin to reveal your goals and values.<\/p>\n
She said, \u201cyou\u2019re unlikely to be perfectly aligned on those [goals and values], but discussing them offers you an opportunity to understand your partner and find compromise on those important choices.\u201d<\/p>\n
And these values are formed much before you earn your first dollar.<\/p>\n
Dr. Alex Melkumian, founder of the\u00a0Financial Psychology Center<\/a>\u00a0in Los Angeles, CA, told Select how everyone\u2019s \u201cmoney story\u201d starts at childhood. \u201cThe foundation of anyone\u2019s understanding and relationship with money is based with their family of origin coupled with any financial literacy education they receive throughout their life,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
Because we\u2019re all raised differently and come from varying socioeconomic backgrounds, how we think about and understand money can vary significantly from person to person. Dr. Melkumian added, \u201cIt\u2019s rare that in a romantic relationship both partners come to it with the same, or similar, money story.\u201d<\/p>\n
So regardless of what your upbringing is, and how difficult discussing money can be, it\u2019s imperative to have the conversation with your significant other.<\/p>\n
How to talk about money while dating, or with an established partner<\/h3>\n
Talking about money can be difficult in any setting, whether its dating,\u00a0 asking for a raise at work<\/a>\u00a0or even among friends.<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re money situation is less than ideal, it can bring fears of judgement or embarrassment. If you\u2019re financially savvy and enjoy talking about subjects like your\u00a0 Roth IRA<\/a>\u00a0or the latest\u00a0 meme stock<\/a>, it can bring up resentment from others.<\/p>\n
So before you have your next money conversation, keep in mind a few do\u2019s and don\u2019ts:<\/p>\n
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Take time to understand each other\u2019s values<\/strong>: If one person loves spending money on going out to eat, while the other prefers to avoid eating out to save money, this could present a difference in values. Make sure you discuss with one another how and why you value certain things.<\/li>\n
Be clear about who pays for what<\/strong>: It should never be a guessing game of who is paying for something. The right time to figure that out isn\u2019t when the bill comes or when you are standing in front of a register, but before the issue arises altogether.<\/li>\n
Don\u2019t impose on someone else<\/strong>: Like Dr. Melkumian said, everyone has a different money story. And that journey can impact how someone acts towards money and acts towards someone else. But regardless of the situation, don\u2019t impose your money story or strategies on a significant other. It can lead towards resentment and other issues.<\/li>\n
If you\u2019re considering marriage, get \u2019financially naked<\/strong>\u2019: Did you know\u00a0one-third of Americans admit they financially cheat on a partner<\/a>? While it may not be sexual infidelity,\u00a0 financial infidelity<\/a>\u00a0can be just as destructive. So if you\u2019re considering taking the next step in your relationship, it\u2019s extremely important to make sure you talk about potentially difficult subjects like\u00a0 credit card debt<\/a>\u00a0or\u00a0 student loans<\/a>.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n
Bottom line<\/h2>\n
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Talking about money is difficult, especially while dating or in a relationship. In fact, a\u00a0 Wells Fargo survey<\/a>\u00a0showed people feel that discussing politics or religion is easier than talking about personal finance. But both Dr. Melkumian and Hoffman are adamant about the importance of discussing money at any stage of an intimate relationship.<\/p>\n
Whether it\u2019s casually talking about the next up-and-coming\u00a0 cryptocurrency coin<\/a>\u00a0on a date, or discussing\u00a0 investing goals<\/a>\u00a0with a soon-to-be spouse, an open-and-honest conversation can do wonders for your current or future relationship.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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