In this weekly column, I\u2019ll help you sort out financial gray areas\u2014from prenups to inheritances and more. Submit your money matter\u00a0here<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Growing up low-income, I\u2019ve developed the propensity to save and not spend. Although this is a wonderful problem to have, I\u2019d like to have a better relationship with my money, in the sense that I\u2019d like to feel more comfortable spending it. There are things I\u2019d like to buy myself, but I struggle to actually make the purchase, even if they’re only $20\u2013$30 and I\u2019ve budgeted for it. Do you have any advice for this?\u2014Death by 1000 Paper Cuts<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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Dear DB1000PC,<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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Every now and again, I find myself massaging the contents of an online shopping cart, trying in vain to get that dollar amount down into something that feels \u201creasonable.\u201d Like you, I came from a low-income background and my money habits are indicative of that: a $20\u2013$30 purchase that I know I can buy without consequence will cripple me temporarily, sometimes to the point where I just don\u2019t buy the $22 eyebrow gel from Sephora that I want but don\u2019t\u00a0need<\/em>.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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I want to help you figure out why this feels so bad. Unfortunately, I\u2019m not a therapist, but Dr. Alex Melkumian, founder of the\u00a0 Financial Psychology Center<\/a>, is. \u201cI think [with] a lot of decisions that are made based on emotions, we have a hard time dealing with [them], because emotions are unpredictable,\u201d he said. \u201cAt the root of somebody who\u2019s holding onto their money and not spending it is a fear that they\u2019re not going to be able to get this money back. They have a fear of being in survival mode.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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Getting to the heart of this particular matter isn\u2019t easy, but just like getting a grip on your finances or any other problem, having a plan helps.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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Understand the story you\u2019re telling yourself.<\/strong>\u00a0We are who we are because of our past, but untangling what stories we learned about money in the past is useful for moving forward. \u201cThe understanding that those beliefs and those memories impact [your] financial decisions to this day is a really important piece,\u201d\u00a0<\/strong>Melkumian said.<\/li>\n
Feel your feelings.\u00a0<\/strong>\u201cThe most prudent financial decisions are made out of a place of emotional neutrality,\u201d Melkumian said. Once you understand why you are the way you are, it\u2019s time to do a little more work: First, acknowledge the feeling you have and how it relates to your past, but understand that that\u2019s just a feeling and not reality. \u201cWe want to be aware of our emotions, but not have them be at the forefront of our financial decision-making.\u201d<\/li>\n
Give yourself permission.<\/strong>\u00a0Now it\u2019s time for a little reverse psychology\u2014trick yourself into dismantling that narrative a little. \u201cIn your spending plan, you would do a line item that\u2019s called \u201cmandatory splurging,\u201d Melkumian suggests. Allowing yourself to spend just a little bit of money by literally baking it into your overall budget means there\u2019s a safeguard against getting totally out of control. Be flexible with yourself, too\u2014and remember, this is a rule you made, so you can break it (within reason) and adjust it to fit your needs.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Doing this work isn\u2019t easy, but be patient with yourself and know that it will get easier over time.\u2014Megan<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n
Original article by Megan Reynolds<\/a> is published here: https:\/\/www.morningbrew.com\/money-scoop\/stories\/2022\/03\/03\/untangling-your-past-relationship-with-money<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
You have to address the past to make it through the present. In this weekly column, I\u2019ll help you sort out financial gray areas\u2014from prenups to inheritances and more. Submit your money matter\u00a0here. Growing up low-income, I\u2019ve developed the propensity to save and not spend. Although this is a wonderful problem to have, I\u2019d like […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1774,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","wds_primary_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[51,5],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-1767","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-blog","8":"category-media","9":"entry"},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/financialpsychologycenter.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/relationship-money.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/financialpsychologycenter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1767","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/financialpsychologycenter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/financialpsychologycenter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/financialpsychologycenter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/financialpsychologycenter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1767"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/financialpsychologycenter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1767\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1773,"href":"https:\/\/financialpsychologycenter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1767\/revisions\/1773"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/financialpsychologycenter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1774"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/financialpsychologycenter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1767"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/financialpsychologycenter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1767"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/financialpsychologycenter.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1767"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}