Money is quantifiable, humans are not

It has been three months since you have been laid off your job. In the first two or three weeks, you were able to manage to pay all your monthly bills: rent, electricity, food, and so on. However, you are entering month three. It is getting harder and harder to make ends meet and the inadequate income has finally caught up. Now, it is not a question of if you can buy new clothes and afford to go to a nice restaurant once a month, but rather “how am I going to feed myself this month”. The urge to call your friends and family is shadowed by a strong sense of shame and guilt.

While the scenario written above devastating, it is not a rare nor an irregular story. It is something that happens to countless adults for an extended period of time, leading to financial trauma. When an American survey reports that about three quarters of adults experience stress regarding finances, it comes as no surprise that the compounding of stress snowballs into symptoms of PTSD. However, the disconnect between money and our emotions creates a lack of acknowledgement in how these intrapersonal and interpersonal financial issues are dealt with. While the problem might stem simply from money, financial health is not just about quantitative data. It is about having a stable and healthy relationship.

Financial trauma, as Brianna Wiest writes, is caused by the effects of one’s income being insufficient for the expenses for a long period of time.¹ Not only does it affect our emotional state, but it also negatively influences our physicality and our cognitive functions. When we are faced with financial stress, the autonomic nervous system in our body signals the body to react in one of three ways: fight, flight, or freeze. As these responses are not suggestive of a healthy and balanced reaction to prolonged distress, it makes it quite clear that our response to financial stress can lead to grave and alarming emotional responses. Economic hardship as a child or inability to secure a stable income as an adult are one of many situations in which it can lead to financial trauma.²

Similar to PTSD, depression is also commonly seen in those who endured financially traumatic experiences.³ The cyclic nature of depression can stem from the recurring and overbearing thoughts of shame and guilt that is often caused by one’s financial instability. The stigma surrounding money prevents people from acknowledging and addressing their financial worries and issues with professionals and these issues are often kept bottled up. This further pushes people into lethargy and continues the cycle of depression.⁴  Galen Buckwalter, who is an expert in financial trauma, emphasizes that as our stress system was developed way before money become an integral part of our everyday lives, our body’s response to financial stress is not transient like it would have been when we’re chased by a bear, but rather continous.¹ Unlike a sudden stress trigger that is momentary, this consumes our body every second of the day.¹

Additionally, when society establishes a financial hierarchy where the higher you are, the better off you are, many start to associate these different levels with one’s worth. The more money you have, the better you are as a person. In retrospect, we know this is far from the truth and an extremely myopic way of looking at self-esteem. However, the coupling of money and self-worth is a result of social conditioning that is prevalent yet harmful.⁵ The danger of this association is that we start to evaluate ourselves by using a single number (ex. income) and as transient being that is easily replaceable, such as being cut from a job. In times of low financial stability, questioning our self-worth often becomes an additional stress factor that can contributes to the accumulation of distress and damage. When our goal to overcome this chronic stress of finance seems unachievable despite the hard work, this traumatic experience leads to symptoms similar to those of PTSD.

Is there an end to this?

Money is an integral part of our lives but more importantly, it is crucial to understand that they do not define our worth.

A healthy relationship with money is not synonymous with perfection. A recovery from financial trauma is completely possible with addressing the core issues that lead to chronic stress. While budgeting and planning are important aspects of recovery, respecting and acknowledging our emotions is a vital aspect of truly accepting ourselves. When we are more familiar with our feelings, it becomes easier to identify emotions in various financial situations. Some may think pushing our emotions aside and relying on our logic is the only way to go; however, this can lead to both psychological and physical distress, which is something we want to avoid. Some ways of facing chronic financial stress and trauma include:

1. Respecting our emotions and acknowledging them
2. Keeping a budget and trying to aim for transparency for yourself
3. Talking to family, friends, or professionals

Our emotions are a crucial aspect of who we are. It is important to include them in the conversation, even when we’re talking numbers.

1. Wiest, B. (2021, January 7). Financial Trauma Is A Reality For One Third Of Millennials, This Expert Explains How To Recover. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/briannawiest/2019/04/04/financial-trauma-is-a-reality-for-one-third-of-millennials-this-expert-explains-how-to-recover/?sh=7cb2dc38130c.
2. Polizzi , M. (2021, April 29). Growing Up Poor Can Cause Long-Lasting Trauma-Here’s How You Can Overcome It. Health.com. https://www.health.com/money/child-poverty-financial-trauma.
3. Tull, M. (2020, March 27). How to Get Treated for Your PTSD and Depression. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/ptsd-and-depression-2797533.
4. Wehrenberg, M. (n.d.). Shame and Depression. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/depression-management-techniques/201507/shame-and-depression.
5. Gariepy, L. (2020, June 23). Your relationship with self-worth and money: It’s complicatedLaura Gariepy. Financial Best Life. https://financialbestlife.com/your-relationship-with-self-worth-and-money-its-complicated/#:~:text=Research%20shows%20there’s%20a%20powerful,someone%20has%20healthy%20self%2Desteem.

The Pandemic Anniversary: It’s been a year… where do we go from here?

It is mind boggling to believe that it has already been a year since the outbreak of Covid-19. On March 11th 2020, WHO announced that COVID-19 can be characterized as a pandemic. In the past year, the number of deaths due to COVID-19 has climbed up to over 2.5 million, and the number of cases is about to reach 125 million. While the possibility of vaccination can make us hope for the return to some semblance of normality, the emotional and financial damage from the past year is not something that can heal immediately or in a passive manner. In a catastrophic and dire event like this where the whole world is affected in one way or another, it is evident that there is not a one-shoe-fits-all solution. From toilet paper and water-bottles emptied from the shelves of supermarkets and streets that used to be filled with people before this pandemic being emptied, to majority of the population getting used to the quarantined lifestyle we have certainty witnessed a great deal of change internally and socially. Over the year, we have learned to adapt to this new way of living through facing and overcoming new challenges when there is a string of hope.

The emotional and financial changes we have witnessed varies across each demographic in the population. Essential workers throughout the world have dedicated their time and energy, risking their own lives to save the rest of the population. However, the workspace that has become beyond nerve-racking also resurfaced, in addition to amplifying, the underlying problems of the workforce that was never entirely addressed: uncertainty, work and family imbalance, and finances.¹ A poll conducted by Eagle Hill in August 2020 reported that 58% of US workers were burnt out in comparison to the 45% that was recorded in April.² This spike can be attributed to many factors, but especially to the stress and anxiety that comes from the uncertainty of the world that surrounds those workers.

On the other hand, many workers were demanded to leave their original workplace and adapt to a new style of labour. This brings in another level of complexity to how we regulate our emotions. A sudden shift in our environment induces extreme isolation and loneliness, especially in the face of precariousness within our media, government, and everyday lives. It leads to extreme financial behaviours reflecting the turbulent external milieu. Additionally, the financial pressure due to the possibility of unemployment acting as the opposing force of emotional exhaustion makes the decision of continuing to work strenuous, leading to financial trauma.

Similarly, the student body as a whole was asked to adopt a new way of learning, which is very different from the traditional way. The conventional educational dogma does not necessarily match all student’s optimal learning methods; however, the so-called “zoom-fatigue” exhausts both the students and the teachers and is not conducive for long-term learning. Moreover, the psychological and physical tiredness are not the only problems. According to the WalletHub’s 2020 College Student Financial survey, ⅔ of the college students express change in how they feel about their financial future.³ Coinciding with the increasing cost of living, the pandemic has aggravated students financial worries.

Within each population, each individual has had a different experience throughout the pandemic. Some may have lost loved ones, while others may have experienced a drastic decline in mental health. Many of us did not have the choice but to persevere and make these tough financial decisions despite the psychological exhaustion this pandemic has caused. A year after the initial shock, many still are unsure about what the future holds. Jefferson Center trauma clinicians, Jamie Schlichenmayer and Joel Smith, discuss the two different types of trauma, direct trauma and vicarious trauma, that are associated with the current pandemic. While direct trauma is our response to the direct exposure to the distilling event, which in this case is our experiences with the pandemic, it can lead to vicarious trauma due to the interconnectivity of all our lives, especially through the use of social media.⁴ Despite all we have in the scientific literature, we cannot know the full emotional and financial impact of COVID-19 on our lives yet. The financial toll and its peak impact may show a couple months, or even years after.

Though it has been a year already, it is still equally important as it was in March 2020 to acknowledge the trauma that we have gone through. It is mentally draining and damaging to have the mentality of “it’s already been a year, I should be fine”, or “why am I still thinking about this”. Emotional regulation does not only apply at the peak of stress, but rather a habit that can help us manage our polarizing emotions in situations like these. In a way, the financial concerns of many individuals are not as urgent nor critical as before.⁵ However, almost half of Americans are spending less compared to a year ago and also 49% of the people who lost wages is still earning less than before.⁵ What does this say about us and our emotions?

1. It is not necessarily that the situation got exponentially better in the past year, but we have adapted.
2. It is important to keep working on emotional regulation because it is about creating a habit, and not a band aid solution.

Unlike a sudden problem that had emerged out of nowhere, finance has always been affected by our emotions as it is such an integral part of our life. Although none of us are certain about the future, it is critical to remember that while we may not be able to control our external variables, we are able to manage how our emotions impact our financial health. Despite all that happened in the past year, we have all survived 100% of the days. Let’s not let our environment dictate our decisions.

References

1. Bruce, J. (2020, April 03). In a Covid-19 WORLD, mental health is workforce health. Retrieved March 23, 2021, from https://www.forbes.com/sites/janbruce/2020/04/03/in-a-covid-19-world-mental-health-is-workforce-health/?sh=28b40b072385
2. Employee burnout FROM covid-19 on the rise, with 58% of US workers reporting burnout. (2020, November 19). Retrieved March 23, 2021, from https://www.eaglehillconsulting.com/news/employee-burnout-from-covid-19-on-the-rise-with-58-of-u-s-workers-reporting-burnout/
3. Dickler, J. (2020, August 31). Due to PANDEMIC, more than 13 million college students are worried about their financial future: Study. Retrieved March 23, 2021, from https://www.cnbc.com/2020/08/31/majority-of-college-students-are-worried-about-money-due-to-covid-19.html
4. Bruce, J. (2020, April 03). In a Covid-19 WORLD, mental health is workforce health. Retrieved March 23, 2021, from https://www.forbes.com/sites/janbruce/2020/04/03/in-a-covid-19-world-mental-health-is-workforce-health/?sh=28b40b072385
5. Horowitz, J., Brown, A., & Minkin, R. (2021, March 05). The COVID-19 Pandemic’s long-term financial impact. Retrieved March 23, 2021, from https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2021/03/05/a-year-into-the-pandemic-long-term-financial-impact-weighs-heavily-on-many-americans/

Life is a series of dynamic events accompanied by countless emotions, guiding the path to the next stage 𑁋 whatever it may be for each and every one of us. Whenever there are challenges in our journey, many of us make it our goal to try not to make the same mistake again, or to tackle the problem from a different angle in order to overcome the issue. The next time around when we face a similar problem, the knowledge and the ability to adapt we gained from previous failures act as transferable skills that can help us remain grounded while expanding our horizons to attempt new things. But here is a question for all of us: are we reflective and conscious about our emotions as we are with our success story? Do we acknowledge certain mechanisms that work for you when you are trying to deconstruct large emotions into smaller pieces in order to be able to healthily acknowledge and absorb them? As we tackle this large question, we can incorporate the potential correlation between emotional regulation strategies and the sex (male and female) of the individual and see if it is suggestive of certain trends or stereotypes that exist in our society today. We also look into how it is reflected in the realm of personal and social finance.

Emotional regulation centers around the notion of being able to identify emotions, followed by critical deconstruction in order to respond to these impactful emotional experiences. A pioneer in the domain of toxic positivity and emotional agility, Susan David’s outlook on our current society regarding the management of one’s emotions or the danger of positivity overtaking emotional truth brilliantly sum up the power of emotional regulation. In a podcast with Renee Brown she mentions,

“Rigidity is when there is no space between stimuli and response … when we open our hearts with willingness to the full range of our human experience and our beauty, even if those emotions are uncomfortable … the space is created by showing up to our difficult feelings”¹

This space she mentions signifies our values that are reflected in the emotions we feel in that moment. When there is no space, the response to our emotion emulates an action similar to a physiological reflex, where the action seems to be out of control. However, when space is created, it allows for grasping of the emotions. Both emotional regulation and agility revolve around the idea of managing big emotions and breaking them down in smaller pieces in order for us to act in ways that are in parallel with our own values. When making financial decisions, this space could be understanding and acknowledging your anger towards your partner, when without it, it might have led to impulsive money behaviour.

When discussing strategies for emotional regulation, the topic of sex differences tend to arise. A study by Wu, Y., et al. regarding the sex-specific neural circuits of emotional regulation in the centromedial amygdala reports that there are differences between men and women when looking at emotional representation.² Similarly, Goubet. et al. demonstrated that women use more strategies for emotional regulation and more readily incorporated them than men.3 However, we cannot undermine the significance of separating scientific literature from toxic stereotypes around gender in the field of finance, as it would be a false equivalence.

Despite an increase in the number of females in the field of finance, current literature suggests that prejudice towards women regarding emotional management influence many people’s view towards this area of study. In other words, these harmful stereotypes surrounding women can cause negative emotions, loss of their identify, and decrease in retention at the workplace.⁴ Additionally, a study conducted of adolescents displayed that there might be a relationship between gender stereotypes and gender disparity in financial literacy.⁵ While a causal relationship is not be established, it is an indication that our preconceived notion can drive certain mentalities, leading to behaviour. Stereotypes such as “females are emotional spenders and are not good with money” can be easily disproved from the mere fact that human beings do not fit into one box. This toxic characterization can quietly yet lethally situate itself in people’s minds and affect their own beliefs and values.

We have now discussed the power of emotional regulation to align our behaviour without values along with toxic stereotypes that can arise from the misconception of possible differences. When it comes to emotions, we tend to shy away and look the other way, rather than facing our signal from our inner core. Some ways to manage our emotions include⁶

1. Practice mindfulness 𑁋 a state of mind where you can access and understand your emotions.
2. Accepting vulnerability 𑁋 this takes courage and effort to accept your emotions.
3. Seek improvement, not perfection

While these do not come naturally overnight, its essence can lead to understanding your emotions better, and in turn solidifying your values and beliefs. Financial decisions, too, are a product of our emotions. Just like we have dollars, euro, and yen as our currency for money, our emotions are the currency for our values. Our relationship with money can be healthy and steady when we understand both types of currencies.

References:

1. https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-with-dr-susan-david-on-the-dangers-of-toxic-positivity-part-1-of-2/.
2. Wu, Y., Li, H., Zhou, Y. et al. Sex-specific neural circuits of emotion regulation in the centromedial amygdala. Sci Rep 6, 23112 (2016). https://doi.org/10.1038/srep23112.
3. K. E. Goubet, E. G. Chrysikou, Emotion regulation flexibility: Gender differences in context sensitivity and repertoire. Frontiers in Psychology. 10 (2019), doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00935.
4. C. von Hippel, D. Sekaquaptewa, M. McFarlane, Stereotype Threat Among Women in Finance: Negative Effects on Identity, Workplace Well-Being, and Recruiting. Psychology of Women Quarterly. 39, 405–414 (2015).
5. A. Driva, M. Lührmann, J. Winter, Gender differences and stereotypes in financial literacy: Off to an early start. Economics Letters. 146, 143–146 (2016).
6. Sandford, K. (2021, January 12). 10 emotional REGULATION skills for a healthier mind. Retrieved March 09, 2021, from https://www.lifehack.org/844538/emotional-regulation

Author: Lilian Yoffee

Love and Money or Love and Punishment?

Money is a form of emotional currency in relationships. Disappointment and uncertainty are a normal part of any relationship. However, an inability to communicate your underlying emotions often leads to poor coping strategies such as the need to control, enable or punish your partner. In many cases, the urge to punish comes from a place of fear — the fear of creating intimacy. It is one of the ways to gain control of the situation without being vulnerable but doing so in an unhealthy manner.

While money and wealth are not inherently evil, it can be the source of many immoralities, and expose the dark side of our humanity. Interestingly, financial abuse is seen in 99% of domestic violence cases.¹ However, it is not as recognized as a form of abuse or violence, compared to physical, emotional, or verbal abuse. Why is that? Why do we have a hard time recognizing and spotting financial abuse in our relationships? The answers to these questions, often asked by many, can be found through understanding the root of financial abuse. Additionally, we see how our traumas from the past can lead to poor and abusive financial behaviours towards ourselves, and sometimes towards others.

Victim Cycle

Financial abuse is the utilization of money as a tool to control another person.² It can be seen in many forms: controlling one’s access to money, giving no privacy for financial decisions, giving no social life, or making it impossible for you to leave the relationship with financial stability. By coercing another person into a position where they are not financially stable as an individual, the abuser gains toxic and destructive control in that relationship. Surely, this cycle of abuse is not happening in a vacuum, but rather it is using money as a medium to cause emotional and psychological trauma to another person. Similar to other forms of abuse, the cycle of violence plays a role in perpetuating the hurtful and devastating need for control of the abuser. The four-part cycle consists of: 1. Tension building 2. Abuse or violence 3. Reconciliation and 4. Calm.³ This cycle illuminates certain traits observed in abuse that can be helpful in offering treatment or possible solutions. Though some forms of abuse many not exactly emulate these exact steps, the subtlety of the abuse can also push victims into a corner.

Neuroscience behind it

The perpetuated motion of making it more difficult for the victim to leave the situation behind also lies in the fact that there are neurological changes observed, in addition to the sentiment of fear that the abuser strikes on a variety of occasions. It involves the chemical, oxytocin, normally known as the love drug. Under normal circumstances, it is produced in a brain structure known as amygdala, and it encourages happiness and positive social bonds.⁴ However, under painful and troublesome conditions, it is produced from the receptors in the lateral septum, triggering a social stress response.⁴ This stimulates a withdrawing effect of wanting to return to happier times. An example of that could be wanting to go back to times when both people were financially dependent in a healthy way. Although you may think our rational mind can override the decisions made by the neurotransmitters, the emotional effect of this chemical is impactful to the point where it may be very tough to rise up against it.

Such disturbing and traumatic experiences of financial abuse lead to an alteration of our brain pathways and our emotional and decision-making processes. It is utterly crucial to recognize the lasting impact of financial abuse because the solution is not something that is as simple as gluing two pieces back together and pretending that nothing had happened. It is rather a complex situation that requires guidance and support to recover from.

What is Big T and Little T Trauma?

As alluded from above, being financially abused and controlled is a traumatic experience. While one action does not define financial abuse, the characteristics are on a spectrum, similar to how we categorize big T and little T traumas Big T trauma is a reaction towards utterly disturbing or life-threatening incidents, normally associated with PTSD.^5,6 Likewise, little T trauma, while these situations may not be life-threatening, is caused by upsetting and distressing situations that do not classify under big T trauma.⁶ One thing to remember when discussing little T and big T traumas is that it is no math equation. 1 big T trauma does not equal to 3 little T traumas. However, there is a compound effect, also known as the snowball effect, of smaller scale traumas piling up on each other causing extreme emotional and psychological stress and anxiety. An example of that can be how individual money controlling behaviour may not be considered life-threatening; however, the build-up of these experiences and abuses can lead to a much more severe and distressing situation. These lead to the neurological changes in the location of neurotransmitter release and the amount of hormones released.

Interestingly, childhood trauma can lead to poor financial decisions. This can be accredited to the fact that as a child, there were some coping mechanisms that were used during distressing times that are manifesting as an adult. Erica Sandberg writes that irrational and compulsive actions such as excessive spending or excessive saving can be rooted in the fact that the brain is now programmed to overreact to situations due to past experiences⁷

We see that financial abuse stems from the desire to manipulate and gain control in a relationship in order to assert its dominance over the other person. However, the effect of financial abuse is measureless and unquantifiable — it leaves emotional scars on those who have experienced it.

How to Cope:

Financial abuse is in no way, shape or form a manner to show one’s love. It is just a mask for one’s insecurities or a product of one’s past, which in neither case is acceptable. However, for the victims, it is very important to understand that healing is a process. While one’s perspective may have changed drastically in addition to an altered emotion-based decision-making process, this is not the end of the road. Some steps that may be helpful in this process are:⁸

1. Recognize triggers
2. Set boundaries
3. Understand that healing is a process
4. Seek professional help
5. Acceptance

Control and abuse are not tolerated. The importance of recognizing self-worth and signs of financial abuse cannot be stressed enough. While you might dismiss some uncomfortable and unwanted actions as trivial, it is important to recognize certain patterns and realize the depth and severity that financial abuse can reach.

Control or punishment, is not synonymous with love and it never will be.

1. 1. Barr, A. (2019, January 22). Financial abuse & strategies to stop the cycle. Retrieved February 23, 2021, from https://www.aimeebarrlcsw.com/single-post/2019/01/22/Financial-Abuse-Strategies-To-Stop-The-Cycle
   2. Forms of economic abuse. (2019, October 10). Retrieved February 23, 2021, from https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/financial-abuse
   3. https://www.healthline.com/health/relationships/cycle-of-abuse#the-cycle
   4. He, J. (2019, November 06). Gray matter: Neuroscience reveals why abuse victims can’t just walk away. Retrieved February 23, 2021, from https://dailytrojan.com/2019/11/05/gray-matter-neuroscience-reveals-why-abuse-victims-cant-just-walk-away/
   5. Monroe, J. (2020, November 13). Young adult trauma: ‘big t’ and ‘little t’. Retrieved February 23, 2021, from https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/treatment/adolescent-trauma/
   6. Clancy, C. (2019, December 20). What’s the difference between big “t” and little “t” trauma? Retrieved February 23, 2021, from https://journeypureriver.com/big-t-little-t-trauma/
   7. Sandberg, E. (2014, November 17). How trauma leads to destructive financial choices. Retrieved February 23, 2021, from https://www.creditcards.com/credit-card-news/trauma-destructive-financial-choices-1264/
   8. Coping with traumatic stress – the snowball effect – kristin cuthriell. (2013, December 16). Retrieved February 23, 2021, from https://thesnowballeffect.com/2013/12/16/coping-with-traumatic-stress/

Lilian Yoffe

Love and money. These two seemingly unrelated subjects actually cross path in surprising ways. As February is known as the month of love, it is timely to discuss the role money plays in all relationships. Financial conversations, though can be tricky and cumbersome at times, are essential in establishing a healthy relationship between you and your partner. It is a great way to strengthen your relationship by eliminating a taboo element in a relationship. However, money can also be used to sabotage a relationship in numerous ways – as, a medium for enabling, control, and punishment. Remember, money isn’t our enemy. However it is up to us to decide what kind of relationship we are going to have with our partners in regards to dealing with finances.

Financial enabling can be characterized as the act of a pseudo-helper where you get the sensation of lending a hand to those in need, while in reality perpetuating the deep seeded problem. While this issue can definitely be seen in couples, this dynamic can also be observed in a parent-child relationship. The enabler is unable to say “no” to a financial demand by the one who is financially dependent. It can stem from the good intentions of the enabler and also from the pursuit of the enabler to help their partner.1 However, this is not helpful for the dependent because the main issue is not dealt with, and it is rather a band-aid solution.

Contrarily to enabling where order and system is not established, control and punishment using money show opposite traits. While the essence of control and punishment are very different, the actions and effect tend to be overlapping. Both can be characterized as financial abuse entailing control of the victim’s ability to use, or acquire money. The need for control can be rooted in different aspects of one’s financial emotions, such as the desire to gain control in the relationship2 or the fear of uncertainty. Money becomes a very accessible medium to cast one’s superiority and dominance over the other as it plays a vital role in everyone’s lives — more simply put, we all need money, so taking that away from someone creates great tension. Unlike physical or verbal abuse, financial abuse in the form of control is less recognized by the public despite its common occurrences in society.2 Similarly, the origin of punishing your partner through money can also be identified as the yearning to gain control in the midst of uncertainty or variability. All our relationships are dynamic; however, the inability to recognize and adapt to changes makes us fear change. It can lead to negative emotions such as pain, hurt, and a sense of isolation.3 More importantly, there is no punishment out of love.

What does this mean?

It means that while money can be used in so many meaningful ways, it can also become a knife that hurts us all. Take a step back and see if what you are doing “out of love” is actually a reflection of your values and beliefs. It is never too late to recognize that what you are doing might be hurting your partner rather than helping. There are three easy steps you can follow to establish a healthy financial relationship with your partner:

1. Recognize that what you might be doing with good intensions, could be hurting your partner.
2. Establish a clear and transparent line of communication.
3. Keep both partners in the loop, and do not avoid money conversations just because it is uncomfortable

Love is beautiful. Don’t let money ruin and destroy the harmony.

1. Kahler, R. (n.d.). When parents can’t say no: Financial enabling. Retrieved February 08, 2021, from https://kahlerfinancial.com/financial-awakenings/money-psychology/when-parents-cant-say-no-financial-enabling
2. Smith, A. (2016, August 10). How money is used as a weapon in relationships. Retrieved February 09, 2021, from https://www.kiplinger.com/article/spending/t065-c023-s002-how-money-is-used-as-a-weapon-in-relationships.html
3. Posted by: Team Tony, T. (2019, March 14). The negative effects of punishing someone in a relationship. Retrieved February 09, 2021, from https://www.tonyrobbins.com/love-relationships/stop-punishing-partner/