Financial Psychology Center

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Financial Psychology: Restoring Financial Wellness in a Post-COVID Economy by Alex Melkumian, PsyD

Debut psychology book highlights the negative impact of financial stress and how individuals can recover.

Los Angeles, CA – June 1, 2022 – In his debut book, Dr. Alex Melkumian, a pioneering psychologist in the growing field of financial psychology, provides a definitive guide to financial psychology and how it can be used to deal with the modern, overbearing challenges of financial stress.

With financial stress a major public health issue (APA, 2017), it is crucial that mental health practitioners begin to assess for and treat financial stress in conjunction with comorbid symptoms. If theorists, researchers, and clinicians adapt techniques of various modalities to treat financial stress, clients and patients will benefit from a more qualified, educated workforce of those in the helping professions. The eclectic combination of theories outlined in this book serves merely as a starting point for the evidence-based treatment of financial stress.

The sad truth is, even though financial stress is pervasive and omnipresent, few people understand where their financial challenges are coming from. They are riddled with shame and guilt that they can’t just manage money better. Even though financial stress can come from money mismanagement, our ability to work with money stems from our deeper relationship with money. This relationship with money is complex, encompassing all our experiences with money leading up to this point.

In his new book released today, Financial Psychology: Restoring Financial Wellness in a Post-COVID Economy, Dr. Alex Melkumian, founder of the Financial Psychology Center, explains why many times we aren’t in control of our financial lives and the motivations that drive us, particularly around money. In fact, we are often so busy believing a particular money narrative that we are unable to see the opportunities around us for greater financial peace. Dr. Melkumian highlights how our unconscious mind with its roots deep in our personal histories is driving our money story, making the rich man feel a pauper and the poor man feel wealthy.

Does that mean the solution is just thinking positive?

“Unfortunately, not,” says Dr. Melkumian. “The foundation of our financial behavior is so intrinsically tied up in our beliefs and emotions stemming from the past that its crucial for the individual to really unwrap their financial story if they want to discover true and lasting financial wellness. If you have a positive mantra, that’s great, but it’ll only get you so far. You need to start with the foundation of your finances and realize that every decision you make is guided by your financial beliefs, emotions and values, embedded in your history with money from your first encounter of it at an early age. This is the root we need to get to using financial psychology.”

Dr. Melkumian draws on a decade of helping people resolve their money issues in order to share with readers some of his groundbreaking work in the field of financial psychology. This work has helped clients uncover the foundations of their self-defeating financial behaviors, focus on their relationships with money, and transform their financial lives.

The book starts by looking at the macrocosm of our current society. How the pandemic, the gig economy, and new trends such as “Work From Home” are impacting how we think about our own survival, income, and wellness. Financial Psychology demonstrates several ways to navigate this new normal to relieve the emotional stress of economic insecurity and to succeed in our new reality. Part Two of the book examines the practice of financial psychology as it relates to healthy and unhealthy financial behaviors. Part Three is a deep exploration of Financial Therapy—a long-term solution to the reactive emotional turmoil, distress, and hopelessness caused by dysfunctional and limiting financial beliefs and behaviors. As a guide to clinical financial psychology, this book also offers an Appendix, with case histories illustrating Financial Therapy in action for individuals and couples.

Financial Psychology isn’t just a book about “understanding money”. It’s about understanding our relationship with money and how to heal it. For more information, please visit www.FinancialPsychologyCenter.com. The book is available in print and ebook versions from Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Financial-Psychology-Restoring-Wellness-Post-COVID-ebook/dp/B09WWYYC5W

About the Author

Dr. Alex Melkumian, Psy.D., is the Founder and CEO of Financial Psychology Center. He is a clinician, addictions specialist, consultant, peak performance coach, researcher, and recognized expert in financial psychology. As a practicing clinician for the past 15 years Dr Melkumian has worked with populations ranging from the chronically acute, dually diagnosed patients to highly motivated individuals committed to self-improvement. He is an author and public speaker who works to bring people harmony and ease in their lives, no matter what the issue.

Dr. Melkumian is considered a leading expert in the emerging field of financial psychology and has been featured in Forbes, CNN, CNBC, The Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, MarketWatch, Fox Business and USA Today.

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Unemployment and Underemployment

How do you measure your self-worth?

After enduring two brutal, pandemic-filled years, it now seems foolish for the world to have proudly concluded that things are finally going back to ‘normal’. The workforce seems to be a little more complex than that.1 Changes in the workforce have left a lasting impact not only on the work environment, but on the psyche of the individuals who are now dealing with concerns over both unemployment and underemployment. The pandemic saw unemployment and underemployment rise as skilled workers were both forced out of the professional world, and some left voluntarily to pursue income from the gig economy. The ones coming back are demanding new conditions to match their post-COVID perspective.

Unemployment describes a situation where one is not employed while underemployment describes the situation when an employee works fewer hours than usual in their specialty.2 In addition, invisible underemployment touches on people that put in the hours but do not use their skills. In both cases, it is important to look not only at the financial but emotional and behavioural adversities that follow these events in order to fully understand the adverse consequences. This also allows for more personalised solutions to be suggested by professionals for workers to overcome these major life challenges.

Peggy was a principal of a school when COVID started, but through changes in leadership due to the pandemic, her contract was not renewed and she found herself unemployed. Peggy was at a crossroads in her life having been a school principal for the previous seven years but knowing she wasn’t really enjoying. Her finances were in such a state that she couldn’t afford a lower paying job, even though her ideal situation was working less hours and having more time in her garden. Peggy spent the summer talking to a financial therapist and re-evaluating her life, her sense of self, and redefining what she truly needed to feel happy and fulfilled. After a lot of deep psychology work, Peggy was able to restructure her entire financial life, sell some assets to pay off debt. She moved to a reading tutor’s job at a new school and found the more she engaged directly with the children she wanted to teach, the better she felt. This new perspective tied her self-worth to direct childhood education and helping youth from a hands-on angle, rather than the more complex but less rewarding position of school administrator. At first Peggy had to detach from her self-image of being a principal and the esteem she had attached to that role in life. Once she could free her mind, Peggy was able to seek out what truly fed her heart. This led to what some people would consider “underemployment” or a lesser skilled and lesser income position. However, once Peggy had systematically addressed her finances, she right-sized her financial needs to match a lesser paying but more fulfilling role. In this case, Peggy used financial psychology to deal with the fear of unemployment, the stress of debt, and choice of employment to live a fuller, happier life.

It is quite obvious that both unemployment and underemployment lead to financial trouble. If you are not working, earning money becomes a struggle. Behaviors stemming from denial and indifference can surface throughout this process as financial losses can affect one’s view on money in negative ways most of the time. In the realm of financial psychology, the focus is not necessarily on the financial losses, but rather the emotions you attach to financial loss. Not only can it demolish one’s confidence, it can compound negatively, fundamentally altering their life course. When Peggy first found out her contract was not going to be renewed, this through her into abject financial fear and certainty that the only solution was to find another principal’s position. It was only through careful analysis of her situation and staying calm in the face of fear that she was able to discern the choice that best matched her heart’s desire.

Dooley et al., demonstrated that cases of underemployment and unemployment are highly correlated with depression compared to those that are fully employed.3 Furthermore, self-esteem and self-worth are in question during unemployment, which leads to negative emotions, anxious thoughts and self-doubt.4 Although we as a society put up a front of separating money and worth, it is typical to see those two aspects still entangled together. This perpetuates the defeatist view where money defines self-worth. When Peggy analysed what she truly wanted in life, to support youth through education, she realized a reading teacher’s position was the best choice for her personal fulfilment and would still support her self-worth.

One thing many would do in this same situation is lose their positive outlook. This can lead to depression, negativity, victim-outlook and other points of view that would aggravate the situation even more. Peggy dealt with this head-on. She gave herself time to grieve the loss of her job and recognized the trauma she had endured from that experience. By using emotional neutrality, she was able to find the equanimous place within herself to stabilize and centralize her energy around her own self-worth separate from her income.

Financial psychology provided the clarity Peggy needed to see that when one financial avenue closes, another one opens. It is important to remind yourself money is not in the background of self-worth. However, a reflection of yourself can be seen through how you react and deal with financial hardships.

 

  1. Tracking the COVID-19 economy’s effects on food, housing, and employment hardships. Center on Budget and Policy Priorities. (n.d.). Retrieved May 10, 2022, from https://www.cbpp.org/research/poverty-and-inequality/tracking-the-covid-19-economys-effects-on-food-housing-and#:~:text=The%20unemployment%20rate%20jumped%20in,2021%20than%20in%20February%202020.
  2. Hayes, A. (2022, May 3). Unemployment definition and types. Investopedia. Retrieved May 10, 2022, from https://www.investopedia.com/terms/u/unemployment.asp
  3. Dooley D, Prause J, Ham-Rowbottom KA. Underemployment and depression: longitudinal relationships. Journal of Health and Social Behaviour. 2000 Dec; 41(4):421-36.
  4. Goldsmith, A., & Diette, T. (n.d.). Exploring the link between unemployment and mental health outcomes. American Psychological Association. Retrieved May 10, 2022, from https://www.apa.org/pi/ses/resources/indicator/2012/04/unemployment

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Darks side of entrepreneurship: Embracing your emotions is your way to success.

Charisma, creativity and enthusiasm are some of the traits that can be used to describe entrepreneurs. The holders of a creative mind that view the world in a different perspective. While the description may be glamorous and fascinating on the surface and while it may be true, it also entails many challenges, and obstacles accompanies with negative emotions. However, there is no such thing as a perfect profession, let alone a perfect person. The importance lies in how we deal with these challenges and turn it into a learning lesson for future obstacles by healthily managing our own emotions.

The characterization of the entrepreneur’s shadow as “the dark side of entrepreneurship”, gives us an idea of how all the success and the money we may see is just the tip of the iceberg. Below it, the reality reveals itself in harsh yet authentic ways. Some aspects include, need for control, distrust for those around them, (Kets de Vries., 20), and the inevitability of failure (Leyes., 2020). However, these traits do not encompass the whole truth, as negative emotions are a large part of this gloomy aspect of entrepreneurship, which include fear of failure, stress, anxiety, loneliness, shame and incompetence. While these emotions are commonly seen among all in various professions, another aspect that adds another level of complexity is the mere fact that many entrepreneurs value money and profit over psychological factors. Whether it be addressing one’s emotions or actively engaging in self-care, management of personal psychological factors are crucial for both mental and physical well-being.

The duality of physical and mental well-being isn’t the only pair that is important when considering one’s healthy decision-making process. An informed decision, a decision aligned with one’s values and beliefs, can be made through the wise mind, which is a combination of the logical brain and the emotional brain. As per the name, the logical brain is located in the frontal lobe and is responsible for logical reasoning based on factual information. On the other hand, the emotional brain is in the amygdala which is responsible for the fight-or-flight response. Contrary to the logical brain, it takes into account our own current emotional state. The union and balance of these two decision making processes allow us to make the most optimal decision based on facts and grounded rationals while still acknowledging our emotions (Schenck.,).

Clearly, our emotions are not negligible in the decision-making process, while it is equally vital to prevent these strong emotions from overpowering the logical reasoning. Entrepreneurs with strong negative emotions may experience amygdala hijack, a state where the logical brain is unfunctional and the decision is made solely based on the emotional brain, leading to a downward spiral of decisions due to the lack of grounded rationals involved in the process. Arlin Cuncic suggests the best way to prevent this imbalanced process is to increase one’s emotional intelligence. Whether that be to practice mindfulness or managing your emotions, it’s the ability to acknowledge and integrate your emotions that allow us to make the best informed decision. A study by Vivianna Fang He, et al. examining the relationship between learning from failure and emotion regulation demonstrates that learning is more positive for entrepreneurs who can effectively regulate their emotions. More simply, it suggests that our emotional management affects the relationship between failure and learning. Furthermore, O’Shea et al. presents a similar relationship between emotion and action in their study where in addition to our current emotional state, our anticipated emotions also influence future behaviour. Whether it be positive emotion or negative emotion, they impact our behaviour in varying ways.

These negative emotions are inevitable. However, emotional management and emotional intelligence are something that can help us cope with it and learn how to integrate it into our healthy decision making. Our emotions may not be the mirror image of reality but it reflects our internal state, don’t ignore it.

References:

Kets de Vries, M. F. (2014, August 01). The Dark Side of Entrepreneurship. Retrieved January 27, 2021, from https://hbr.org/1985/11/the-dark-side-of-entrepreneurship

Leyes, K. (2020, June 17). 5 Things You Didn’t Know About the Dark Side of Entrepreneurship. Retrieved January 27, 2021, from https://www.influencive.com/5-things-you-didnt-know-about-the-dark-side-of-entrepreneurship/

Schenck, L. (2011, October 19). What is “Wise Mind?” Retrieved January 27, 2021, from https://www.mindfulnessmuse.com/dialectical-behavior-therapy/what-is-wise-mind

Fang He V, Sirén C, Singh S, Solomon G, von Krogh G. Keep Calm and Carry On: Emotion Regulation in Entrepreneurs’ Learning from Failure. Entrepreneurship Theory and Practice. 2018;42(4):605-630. doi:10.1177/1042258718783428

O’Shea D, Buckley F, Halbesleben J. Self-regulation in entrepreneurs: Integrating action, cognition, motivation, and emotions. Organizational Psychology Review. 2017;7(3):250-278. doi:10.1177/2041386617705434

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Understanding & Managing the Mental Health Impact of Debt

(The Balance) – Money doesn’t just impact your financial well-being. It dictates every facet of your life, from where you live, if you go to college, and whether you can comfortably retire.

According to the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, total household debt increased by $87 billion in the third quarter of 2020, totaling more than $14 trillion. With so much riding on how we can afford basic things like housing and transportation, money is emotional. And we feel that emotion in many of the financial decisions we make.

If you’ve ever felt depressed or anxious about not having enough money to pay bills and afford necessities, you might want to find ways to manage the impact money has on your mental health. Here’s how to notice it and what to do if you experience any of these feelings.

How Debt Weighs on Mental Health

Dr. Alex Melkumian, founder of L.A.-based Financial Psychology Center, said the pandemic has amplified the emotional impact of finances.

“In normal times, financial stress is the most common type of worry amongst Americans,” Melkumian told The Balance in an email. “The pandemic has exponentially amplified the levels of financial anxiety.”

That increased stress was felt early in the pandemic: Almost half of Americans reported they experienced “a lot” of financial stress this past spring, according to a June 2020 survey from Edelman Financial Engines. Furthermore, less than half of respondents said they’d be able to come up with $2,000 in the next 30 days in case of an emergency.

“The feeling of debt is akin to the removal of security and safety, base human needs,” Melkumian said. “When not knowing where the next paycheck or meal is coming from becomes a reality, stress and anxiety start to set in.”

Anxiety

Anxiety is one of the first feelings you might face when it comes to money. If you tend to get stressed when you think about money, being able to afford your bills, or not earning enough, you might suffer from financial anxiety.

“The fear of not being able to pay [the money] back and losing what you have can bring on intense anxiety attacks that are prone to strike at any moment,” Melkumian said. “As one falls deeper into debt or prolongs it through minimum payments, it can become very dark.”

If you feel like you have financial anxiety, it could lead to other mental health concerns like depression and suicide.

Insomnia

Financial stress not only harms your wallet, but it hurts your ability to rest, too. You could be worrying so much about not making ends meet that you’re losing sleep. If you’ve lost your job or face reduced hours, you might stay up at night trying to find solutions to your money problems.

“Insomnia is a very common manifestation of both [anxiety and depression] and is a relatively milder symptom than something like suicidal ideation,” Dr. Georgia Gaveras, chief psychiatrist and co-founder of Talkiatry, told The Balance in an email. “Unfortunately, we have seen successful people who have fallen on extremely difficult financial hardships who have turned to suicide.”

Depression

Financial trouble and depression are a potent mix, according to the U.K.-based Money and Mental Health Policy Institute. The institute’s research has revealed that people with depression and debt are 4.2 times more likely to be depressed a year and a half later than people without financial difficulties.

“While there are typically practical solutions to debt, the emotional toll can be so great that those suffering are unable to address their finances in a logical manner, further exacerbating the stress,” Melkumian said. “One develops an emotional relationship with money which can be marked by highs (payday) and lows (the day after payday) that become cyclical patterns in one’s life.”

Think about what causes your anxiety and depression. Do you constantly look at your bank account and worry that you won’t be able to pay bills? Or do you ignore financial obligations in hopes that they’ll go away? Both of those things can trigger depression and can take a greater toll on your mental health.

Suicidal Thoughts

In Nov. 2020, the American Journal of Epidemiology released a report showing a link between experiencing financial strain and attempting suicide.

“Financial debt and crises, unemployment, lower income, and past homelessness were each significantly and positively associated with subsequent suicide attempts,” the report said. “Predicted probabilities of suicide attempts (and suicidal ideation) increased substantially with each increment in financial strain.”

“There is a story recently of a 20-year-old who died by suicide after seeing a negative balance of over $700,000 [in his] investing app,” Gaveras said. “Studies have shown that debt is a risk factor for suicide and, again, the reverse is true. Those who have had a recent suicide attempt are more likely to have financial problems in the years following.”

Signs Your Debt Is Affecting More Than Your Wallet

Gaveras has a simple way to tell if your finances are starting to harm your mental health.

“When someone comes to me with symptoms of anxiety and trouble sleeping, I ask them what they are thinking about when they are trying to fall asleep,” Gaveras says. “Even if the answer is not specifically about money or debt, sometimes it is something that is indirectly related.”

You may not think money infiltrates other areas of your health, but it does. Melkumian said there are two major ways to know if you’re suffering from the mental health impact of debt.

“The biggest warning sign [is] if you are constantly thinking about your money or never thinking about it,” Melkumian says. “If this behavior is combined with anxiety attacks, it’s fairly easy for someone to connect the dots as to what is causing their anxiety and depression.”

Other warning signs Melkumian shared with The Balance include:

Avoiding money talks: “Because finances are such a taboo topic in our society, one does not get to share what is going on for them financially, so they can get stuck in their own head without anyone to talk to. This builds anxiety, panic attacks, and even suicidal thoughts.”

Changing financial behavior: “Are they spending more with no apparent reason? Are they turning down restaurant invitations? They may be spending big but digging themselves into debt all because of anxiety caused by something like job insecurity.”

Suppressing negative feelings around money: “The cultural narrative of emotional positivity can lead to judgment and shame. It sets an unrealistic expectation that happiness is the most important emotion. When circumstances do not align with positivity or happiness, this leads to a significant decrease in mental health.”

How to Manage the Mental Health Impacts of Debt

If you’re suffering from the emotional toll debt is taking on you and your life, there are ways to manage it.

Get Help

Whether you suffer from financial anxiety or face suicidal thoughts, talking it out with someone might be one of the biggest ways you can help yourself. Both Gaveras and Melkumian recommend seeking out the help you need and finding someone you can talk out your issues and concerns with. This could be with a financial therapist or a different type of specialist that meets your needs.

Reframe Your Approach

Melkumian notes that many people feel shame if they aren’t happy all the time. Try shifting your perspective to be more accepting. “If normally you are telling yourself ‘I should be happier,’ use a reframing technique to shift your perspective: ‘I am willing to face my financial situation as it is, so I can get to a happier place in the future.’”

Create a Plan

Money concerns go well beyond your wallet and deep into your mental health.

“Build a plan for self-care and debt reduction while also working on self-esteem and deconstructing the subconscious blocks that have been in place since you were young,” Melkumian says.

Your financial fears don’t have to overpower your life. If you need more help, talk to a therapist or counselor who can help find a path that’s best for you. Not all specialists are the right fit and if you don’t connect well with one, don’t be discouraged. Instead, look for someone that’s a good fit for your needs. Explore the Financial Therapy Association or search for a professional near you.

***
Authored by Dori Zinn and originally published in The Balance on January 19, 2021.

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Food Banks Are Seeing High Demand Right Now. Here’s How You Can Help

(Forbes) – Among the economic issues laid bare by the ongoing coronavirus pandemic, food insecurity may be the most striking: Aerial photos of pick-up lines at food banks around the country show lines of cars that stretch for miles.

And as many relief programs are set to expire at the end of December, that demand is likely to increase. Access to food was already a major issue in the U.S. before the pandemic—more than 35 million people experienced food insecurity in 2019, according to food bank network Feeding America, a number that the U.S. Department of Agriculture expects to jump to about 54 million in 2020. This month, nearly 15% of households with children reported not having enough to eat, according to a U.S. Census Bureau survey.

If you want to contribute to organizations that work to alleviate hunger in the United States, there are a few factors to keep in mind to ensure that your donation is effective and impactful.

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Why It’s Better to Give Cash Than Canned Goods

When you think of donating to a food bank or other organization that works to alleviate hunger, you might automatically reach for the nonperishable goods. But your money can do more than a couple of boxes of shelf-stable items can.

Because food banks work with manufacturers and grocers, they can obtain food at far less than the cost you pay at the grocery store. Feeding America says that every dollar donated can help secure and distribute 12 pounds of food—that’s about 10 meals.

But it can feel strange to open your wallet instead of your pantry. Giving a physical food item is a tangible gift, whereas a cash or digital payment feels less personal, said Dr. Alex Melkumian, a psychologist and founder of the Financial Psychology Center.  “We associate our memories of being fed with emotions of love and care and want to provide the same for others, especially during such a tough time,” he says.

Read more: Your Guide To Charitable Giving For The Holidays

That brings up another challenge this year: You might not be struggling to access food, but there’s a good chance you’ve had to rebalance your finances due to the economic effects of the pandemic. How can you make a difference when you’re anxious about getting by yourself?

Melkumian said that worrying that your gift—financial or otherwise—isn’t big enough can send you spiraling into feelings of shame and guilt that prevent you from taking action at all. “Perfection is the enemy of progress,” he said. “Your gift or donation doesn’t have to be big nor does it have to be financial.” Your time, support on social media, and even a smile can contribute to the spirit of giving we want to contribute to at this time of year, he said.

Here are ways you can make a difference, no matter your budget.

Plan a Monthly Donation

It feels natural to donate to your favorite charities at the end of the year, when you’re filled with holiday cheer. Just look at the success of Giving Tuesday: Nearly $2.5 billion was donated to various organizations in the United States this year, a 25% increase over last year.

And although nonprofits of all sizes are surely grateful for those donations, that dramatic influx of money one day a year can make it hard for nonprofits to plan their budgets. That’s why many organizations encourage recurring donations.

“Monthly and quarterly recurring gifts provide charities with a steady stream of revenue throughout the year,” writes Ashley Post at Charity Navigator. This allows charities to plan well for the months ahead because they know what they have to work with.”

You might be worried you don’t have room in your budget to donate regularly. But even small amounts can go a long way. A monthly $10 donation adds up to $120 over the course of a year. And it also makes it easier to fit giving in your own budget each month, instead of saving for a larger contribution.

Host a Virtual Food Drive

Like so many activities during the pandemic, hosting a food drive has gone virtual too. And with the power of social media, it’s easier than ever to pool together funds to help people in your community. Food banks like Feeding America offer virtual fundraising platforms, or you can set up a virtual drive through Facebook.

A virtual food drive can help you round up friends and family to make a more sizable donation than they would be able to individually.

Use Your Employer Match

No matter how modest your own donation may be, you might be able to multiply the donation to your favorite organization with an employer match.

About 75% of medium and large companies offer some sort of employee giving program, says Bryan de Lottinville, CEO of corporate giving platform Benevity. But only 10% of employees participate on average, leaving a lot of money on the table.

“Often, employees are not even aware that their employer has a program, or it applies to a narrow list of eligible charities, or more frequently, the process for accessing the matching funds is so clunky and cumbersome that many time-constrained employees don’t bother,” de Lottinville said.

But taking a little time to figure out your employer’s system could have a big impact. The most common match is one-to-one (so for every dollar you donate, your company will match with another dollar, typically up to a certain amount), de Lottinville said, he’s seeing more companies offer two, three, or even five-to-one matches.

If your company processes matching payments manually, there may be a minimum donation amount. But if it uses a software program that processes payments electronically, you can likely donate any amount, de Lottinville explained. “It could be as little as $5 that turns into $10—or more,” he said.

Take the New Tax Deduction

Nonprofit organizations have long noted the tax-deductible nature of your donation in order to encourage donations. But unless you itemize your deductions each year, you typically don’t see any tax savings in exchange for your generosity. That will change when you file your 2020 taxes in spring 2021. The CARES Act allows taxpayers to deduct up to $300 per year, even if you take the standard deduction. The catch is that only monetary donations count toward this deduction—donated goods do not. This new deduction won’t be much help to you right now, but it may provide a small benefit when it’s time to file your tax return.

Read more: 4 Financial Tax Breaks To Help During Covid-19

Consider Volunteering

Short on cash, but have a little time? Many organizations are in need of additional volunteers this year to fill in for those who can’t serve due to health concerns. But food banks are keeping social distancing in mind, and offering opportunities to work at contactless or drive-up pickup locations.

Some food-focused nonprofits have converted some of their volunteer positions to virtual ones—you can perform tasks like writing notes or making calls to thank donors from the comfort and safety of home.

It doesn’t take much time to make a difference. Meals on Wheels delivery routes are planned to take about an hour and a half, and you can commit to delivering just once a month if that’s all your schedule allows.

You may be able to make your volunteer hours go even further through an employer-sponsored plan, de Lottinville said. Some workplace programs reward volunteer hours with currency that can be donated to a cause of your choice.

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Thanks to Covid-19, some folks are broke and some are flush. Here’s how to talk about it

(CNN) – As the pandemic rages on, millions of Americans are suffering financially while millions of others are doing just fine — some even better than ever. But how do you talk about money with friends or your own family, without feeling ashamed or offending anyone?

America was already economically divided and a “don’t-talk-about-it” money culture, said Alex Melkumian, a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of the Financial Psychology Center in Los Angeles. Now, with people finding newly exposed sensitivities and dividing lines, gaps are widening and conversations have become even more difficult.

We’re already in a period of financial trauma for people, said Melkumian. Conversations, which leave people feeling judged or insulted, don’t help. Here’s how to talk about money while being sensitive to those around you.

Listen more, spout advice less

Jake Morris was starting a financial advisory business and his wife Whitney was a verbatim hearing recorder for the Social Security Administration in New York’s Hudson Valley when the pandemic struck. Very quickly, Whitney’s work dried up as hearings were put on hold then went to a telephone format and the launch of Jake’s business was delayed.

Then he got a text from someone in his inner circle: “Do you both still have jobs?”

Morris said it was so insensitive that he had to laugh.

“To me, that was so stark. It was almost funny,” Morris said. “But so harsh.”

With their job situations turned upside down in a matter of days, they still weren’t over the shock. They have each found work in their own ways, but it is not at the level it was before.

“Anyone who has had a job loss or gone into retirement knows there is a loss of identity,” he said. “We need a little sensitivity training, I think. It isn’t helpful to say, ‘How does it feel to have your whole life torn out from under you?'”

Jake Morris found listening to be the most helpful way to hear about other people’s financial situations.

Based on his experience, he now asks people he meets, “How has this impacted you?”

“I let them talk about it the way they want to,” he said.

If you’re the person who has remained employed and is financially unscathed, do more listening, Melkumian advised.

“The most important thing we can do is listen and resist the urge to jump in and fix it, because much of this can’t be easily changed.”

Suggesting that someone ‘pivot and do something else,’ for example, can be good advice, Melkumian said. But your friend or loved one needs to be ready to hear it.

“You may have connections to offer them, but it is your connection with them that is most important,” he said.

Pick up the phone

These serious conversations are best had in person. If social distancing is preventing that, a phone call works best.

Nothing on the topic of personal livelihood and well-being is better conveyed by a text, said Ashlee deSteiger, a certified financial planner with Gunder Wealth Management in Michigan.

“With friends and family, I don’t want a text,” she said. “There is just too much tone to be lost in a text.”

She suggests setting boundaries like not texting in frustration or sharing things in which tone can be misinterpreted.

“Those conversations need to happen over the phone or face-to-face,” she said.

If you’re the one receiving the insensitive texts or messages, avoid getting defensive and try to consider where the other person is coming from.

“I suggest reframing the situation to, ‘I know my friend or family member is doing the best that they can for themselves and their family.'”

That, she said, may help you see beyond the posts and conversations that you think lack empathy.

Be direct

If you are having financial difficulties, now is the time to speak up about it, Melkumian says, because you’re not alone.

“If you are really struggling and feel you can’t say to your friend, ‘I don’t know where my next rent payment is coming from’ — then when can you say that?”

When Ed Hart was able to reopen his hair salon in Hermosa Beach, California, he noticed many of his clients experienced the shutdown much differently than he had.

While Hart was struggling after a major loss of income, his customers were working from home, earning the same income, some even more than before.

“People that I know who retired well are fine,” he said. “Younger people I know that work for large companies are working out of their homes, they are okay. But the people who are consistently struggling and having trouble are business owners, entrepreneurs.”

So he decided to address this awkward disparity directly.

“I made a sign and put it by my station,” he said. “It says that there is no secret that we are going through a financial hardship. I understand that they may be going through a hardship, too, so we won’t raise prices. However, if you are financially strong, pay more if you can.”

And they have. After one client received a $200 treatment, he said, she included a tip and left.

“It was a $1,000 tip,” he said. “I called her right away to thank her. I didn’t know what to say. It was overwhelming. ‘Don’t worry,’ she told me.”

Don’t be tone deaf

Some people who have celebrated things like buying a house, taking a trip or getting a new job, have been met with anger by hurt friends and family who say it smacks of being tone-deaf to the moment. Just look at the public reaction to Kim Kardashian’s post about her 40th birthday celebrations on a private island earlier this month.

The response was largely not enthusiastic.

“Congrats on this nomination for most tone deaf tweet of the year,” Twitter user @beyondbrighton replied to Kardashian. “You want normal? Try people unemployed, at food banks, teaching kids at home, or worse in the hospital by the tens of THOUSANDS! Oh the plight of the wealthy & their struggle to an escape to a private island.”

The context matters when sharing good news, said Melkumian.

“If you post your celebration in a way that says, ‘I’ve been struggling and in order to overcome something and I did this, this and this,’ documenting and chronicling your fight, it isn’t out of context,” he said.

But in this moment, there are other things to keep in mind, he said.

“There are political factors, sounding tone deaf, other people being broke,” he said. “How do you tell your truth without coming off as insensitive?”

It may be that there isn’t a way to do that, he said, and it is better right now to keep it to yourself and just to listen.