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It’s tax return season and that means a significant amount of money may be heading your way! American average tax refund for the 2020 tax year was $2,827, with 91% of the refunds coming through direct deposit.

Direct deposit is convenient, but it also makes it easy to forget about your incoming tax refund. Thankfully, if you plan out your spending, you can stretch your tax refund to accomplish one or more of your goals.

It’s all about mindful spending.

What Is Mindful Spending?

Simply put, mindful spending is being aware of how you use your money. This includes how, when, where, and why you’re utilizing your funds. It’s not about stopping spending. Instead, it’s making sure you’re fully present in your financial decisions.

With today’s technology, it’s easy to spend money without much thought. As Derek Hagen, founder of Money Health Solutions notes, “there should be a slight sting that happens when we spend our money. This is largely gone. When we link an account to an online store or app, we’re not aware of our spending.”

How to Practice Mindful Spending

Here are three steps to get you started on your mindfulness journey.

1. Detect Spending Trends

Kick off your financial mindfulness by assessing your current behaviors. Hagen recommends using an account aggregator tool to link your accounts and see them all in one place. One example is Axos Bank’s Personal Finance
Manager (PFM), where you can view all your accounts in one dashboard. Tools like PFM give a holistic view of your accounts so you can monitor your overall spending and savings habits.

2. Review Each Transaction

Ask for physical or emailed receipts. “Once you have the receipt, you can consciously look at the amount and mentally note how much you spent and what you spent it on,” said Hagen. “The point isn’t to judge or interpret; the point is simply to be more aware.”

3. Pause Before You Purchase

Wait a moment before you spend. Dr. Alex Melkumian, founder of Financial Psychology Center in Los Angeles, recommends asking yourself the following before each transaction, big or small: “What state of mind are you in? Are you impulse buying to satisfy an emotional need? Are you overspending to impress your community?”

Wait 24 hours to make that purchase. If it’s no longer top of mind, perhaps you can do without.

Applying Mindful Spending to Your Tax Refund

Your tax refund is a great opportunity to put mindful spending into practice. Whether you’re looking to buy something fun, cover practical expenses, or add to your savings, think about how your choices work into your overall financial picture.

1. Fun Purchases

It’s fun to reward yourself for your hard work. Your tax refund gives an opportunity to purchase something you’ve been eyeing or earmark the funds for an ongoing treat. Let’s say you receive a $2,800 tax refund and live in an area with 7.75% sales tax. You could use your refund to purchase:

• Shoes. You could add 14 pairs of $185 designer kicks to your closet. Or you could buy one or two and divert the rest to savings. No judgement here!
• Coffee Drinks. Like to swing by a coffee shop on your way to work? Your refund could get you more than a year’s worth of daily $4.50 lattes – 577 to be exact.
• Movie Dates. If movies are your thing, you could reserve your funds for a weekly date. Assuming tickets, popcorn, and soda for two is roughly $50, you’re set for nearly the full year.

2. Practical Spending

Some expenses aren’t as fun. But it’s gratifying to know they can be paid without having to dip into savings. For example:

• Credit Card Debt. On average, Americans carry $6,006 in revolving credit card debt. Using your tax refund to pay down your balance reduces the interest you’ll have to pay.
• Car Maintenance. Oil changes, air filters, tire changes – they don’t come cheap. AAA reports auto maintenance costs an average of $792 per year, with tires adding an extra $150 per year. Create a car savings account with part of your refund to cover these expenses for the next year.
• Home Repair and Maintenance. Angireports U.S. home maintenance costs approximately 0.5% to 1% of a home’s value annually, including landscaping and cleaning costs. Start a home maintenance savings fund so the money is there when you need it.

3. Prudent Savings

If you’ve noticed your saving has tapered off, you may want to use your refund to create a new habit. This
could include:

• Emergency Fund. A general rule is to have at least six months’ worth of expenses set aside in a savings account that you’ve reserved for emergencies.
• Retirement Savings. Once you’ve established an emergency fund, consider saving for the future. Your tax refund is a great opportunity to start an individual retirement
  account (IRA).
• Educational Savings. Have kids? If you already have emergency savings, it may be time to save for school. Use our college savings calculator to create a savings goal.

Make Your Tax Refund Stretch Even Further

Choosing the right account can make a noticeable difference. Take advantage of high-yield savings and
rewards checking accounts to keep your tax refund money accessible while helping it grow. You may also consider a debt consolidation loan to reduce the interest paid on any credit card or other high-interest debt you’re not able to wipe out with this year’s tax refund.

You’ll also want to check in regularly to assess how you’re doing. “Your financial perceptions will change over time,” said Melkumian. “It’s good to check in on your perceptions of your financial situation throughout the year.”

If you need a motivation boost, we have an entire library of articles with spending and budgeting tips, including How to Build a Roadmap to Crush Your Financial Goals. Visit often for additional money-saving ideas.

It’s well known that money is one of the most common subjects for couples to argue about. A 2019 study from the University of Tennessee, Knoxville reported that regardless of the happiness level within the relationship, money is a topic that couples consistently disagree on.

However, talking finances aren’t always a negative, especially if you’re single and actively dating. A recent study from eToro suggests owning cryptocurrency and placing that in your online dating profile makes you more desirable.

So regardless if you’re married, casually dating or somewhere in the middle, how can Americans continue to maintain and build healthy relationships while also continuing to work towards their financial goals? Select talked to two experts about what people can do to improve their money and intimate relationships.

How dating and money intersects

It’s not a secret that people in committed relationships tend to perform well financially. A Pew Research study found that in 2019, men and women both earned more and were more financially sound in a committed relationship. However, that doesn’t mean someone should date solely for financial security.

But if you’re actively dating, it’s normal to be curious of a potential partner’s financial situation, regardless of where you’re at in the dating process. Damona Hoffman, OkCupid Dating Coach and Host of The Dates & Mates Podcast, suggests “daters who get better with their money will naturally attract better dating prospects because it is still one of the primary attractors in our society.”

In fact, the likelihood of a single saying wealth is important in a match nearly doubled on OkCupid during the pandemic. Hoffman said this was likely because financial security was low for many as unemployment rates skyrocketed in the early months of the Covid-19 induced shutdowns.

So having more money than less is definitely a “plus” on the dating market.

Unfortunately, the exact thing that can be attractive to so many can also cause the end of a relationship. According to a survey from the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts, “money issues” is the third leading cause of divorce — behind “basic incompatibility” and “infidelity”. One respondent of the survey stated, “many couples lack the communication skills necessary to navigate financial disagreements in their marriage.”

So how can something that is a “plus” be the end to so many relationships?

The psychology of money and relationships

There is no one key to success in any relationship, but common themes among strong relationships are shared values and common goals. And when the subject of personal finance arises, Hoffman suggests you’ll naturally begin to reveal your goals and values.

She said, “you’re unlikely to be perfectly aligned on those [goals and values], but discussing them offers you an opportunity to understand your partner and find compromise on those important choices.”

And these values are formed much before you earn your first dollar.

Dr. Alex Melkumian, founder of the Financial Psychology Center in Los Angeles, CA, told Select how everyone’s “money story” starts at childhood. “The foundation of anyone’s understanding and relationship with money is based with their family of origin coupled with any financial literacy education they receive throughout their life,” he said.

Because we’re all raised differently and come from varying socioeconomic backgrounds, how we think about and understand money can vary significantly from person to person. Dr. Melkumian added, “It’s rare that in a romantic relationship both partners come to it with the same, or similar, money story.”

So regardless of what your upbringing is, and how difficult discussing money can be, it’s imperative to have the conversation with your significant other.

How to talk about money while dating, or with an established partner

Talking about money can be difficult in any setting, whether its dating, asking for a raise at work or even among friends.

If you’re money situation is less than ideal, it can bring fears of judgement or embarrassment. If you’re financially savvy and enjoy talking about subjects like your Roth IRA or the latest meme stock, it can bring up resentment from others.

So before you have your next money conversation, keep in mind a few do’s and don’ts:

• Take time to understand each other’s values: If one person loves spending money on going out to eat, while the other prefers to avoid eating out to save money, this could present a difference in values. Make sure you discuss with one another how and why you value certain things.
• Be clear about who pays for what: It should never be a guessing game of who is paying for something. The right time to figure that out isn’t when the bill comes or when you are standing in front of a register, but before the issue arises altogether.
• Don’t impose on someone else: Like Dr. Melkumian said, everyone has a different money story. And that journey can impact how someone acts towards money, and acts towards someone else. But regardless of the situation, don’t impose your money story or strategies on a significant other. It can lead towards resentment and other issues.
• If you’re considering marriage, get ’financially naked’: Did you know one-third of Americans admit they financially cheat on a partner? While it may not be sexual infidelity, financial infidelity can be just as destructive. So if you’re considering taking the next step in your relationship, it’s extremely important to make sure you talk about potentially difficult subjects like credit card debt or student loans.

Bottom line

Talking about money is difficult, especially while dating or in a relationship. In fact, a Wells Fargo survey showed people feel that discussing politics or religion is easier than talking about personal finance. But both Dr. Melkumian and Hoffman are adamant about the importance of discussing money at any stage of an intimate relationship.

Whether it’s casually talking about the next up-and-coming cryptocurrency coin on a date, or discussing investing goals with a soon-to-be spouse, an open-and-honest conversation can do wonders for your current or future relationship.

The holiday season might not be the same as before, but it’s getting closer to what it once was. Vaccines are available for everyone over the age of 5, and now there are boosters. Restrictions have been lifted, and we’re feeling more comfortable traveling and celebrating in person.

But this return to an almost normal holiday season also means a return to the usual holiday stressors. Even before the pandemic, back in 2018, when the U.S. economy was expanding, 60 percent of Americans ages 21 to 62 reported feeling financially anxious, according to a recent industry report.

For those who have been stressed out about the state of their bank balance all year, the holidays present a challenge, as we’re forced to make hard choices around gift giving. “There’s guilt and the anxiety of not being able to say no,” says Robin Norris, Ph.D., a licensed marriage and family therapist in Virginia.

Paring down our gift list or scaling back on extravagant purchases means disappointing people, or at least it feels that way. So instead, we spend more than we have and decide to deal with the ramifications when bills come in January.

How to Cut Back on Financial Stress This Holiday Season

While worrying about money might feel like a quintessential part of the season, you can take a proactive approach to dealing with holiday stress.

1. Give It Some Thought

Our family and friends have different desires and interests. Taking time to thoughtfully consider what each person likes and might respond to—rather than mindlessly attaching some dollar amount and “level” of gift to give—can result in a more satisfying gifting experience for everyone involved. Some on your list, like small children, may prefer an actual present, but others might love something handmade, a card with a personalized message, time with you, or having some chores done for them.

With that forethought, Norris says, you can divide people into categories, prioritizing who gets what. And then, the process becomes less about merely buying things and more about giving something that has meaning.

2. Make a List

No, really—make a list. Just like with food shopping, having a tangible list prevents impulse buying, not only for others but for yourself. One easy trap to fall into is feeling bad when you’re buying for others, and then to make yourself feel better, buying things for yourself, explains Alex Melkumian, Psy.D., a financial therapist and founder of the Financial Psychology Center, in Los Angeles.

Making a list, sticking to it, and keeping yourself off it can help you maintain financial focus. When you decide what people might like and then make a list, the focus shifts to checking things off. It’s clear and directed, and the other upshot is you can get a sense of satisfaction from staying on task and ultimately getting it done.

3. Know Your Why

When you feel yourself starting to get caught up in what you should do for others and the stress sets in, it helps to take a step back and reconnect to the moment. Mindfulness practices like deep breathing exercises and meditation—even if only done for a few minutes—can help.

Once you check in with your body, ask yourself: “Why is this so important? Am I trying to impress people? Do I think they’ll be disappointed if I don’t buy a specific gift?” Understanding the why that’s causing your stress spiral is the first step to pulling yourself out of it.

“Chances are, the people who care about you aren’t that shallow,” says Melkumian, who adds that even people with well-planned budgets can be tempted to go overboard sometimes. Always reaching for the next thing, and with that, not being content, is a widely shared mentality. Remembering that can relieve some of the pressure and help you get out of the struggle.

4. Live with the Discomfort

Here’s another thing to realize: No one wants to disappoint people. It feels horrible, but reframing and moving from the negative attitude can help alleviate the feeling.

Norris suggests amending your thinking from “I can’t spend this” to something more positive, like “I can’t spend this because I want to use the money for something else” or “I can’t spend $100 on this, but I can spend $50.” The key is having a good reason. “Reminding yourself of a bigger purpose makes it easier to stick within your limits,” Norris says.

When you let go of the idea that you have to give the greatest gifts to be accepted or loved, and instead, start calling the shots when it comes to your own money, you’ll feel more confident. “It gives you the power of control,” Melkumian says.

Asking for help isn’t always easy, but if your request happens to involve money, that can add another layer of emotional difficulty. “Some people endure a lot of pain and suffering before raising their hand and saying, ‘I need help,’” says financial psychotherapist Alex Melkumian. “This can be especially true when it comes to money, because there’s a real taboo around talking about it.”

So if you’ve ever asked yourself, “How do I ask my family for financial help?”, the key is to be up front about your needs while also being flexible about how your family may be able to help you. Here’s how to start the conversation.

CONSIDER YOUR FAMILY’S COMMUNICATION STYLE AND UPBRINGING

There is no cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all solution for bringing up the topic of money, so the best way to broach it will depend on your family’s preferred communication style. “Some families would be put off by not having a talk like this officially scheduled, because they’re more formal,” Melkumian says. “Yet for others, sending an email to pre-schedule would feel like a slap in the face: ‘Why did you feel like you couldn’t just come talk to me about it?’”

You’ll also want to consider if your upbringing has had any effect on how your family handles money in general. For instance, some families take a “you work for what you get” attitude and may only be willing to lend you money, Melkumian says. In others, helping family members out financially is part of the family’s culture, so they may be more inclined to give you money without expecting you to pay it back.

BE HONEST AND CLEAR ABOUT YOUR NEEDS

Before sitting down with your family, be sure to think through the practical details of your request: How much money are you looking for, and what will it be used for? You’ll need to be able to answer these questions and be willing to share details with your family in order to have a productive discussion. “It shows your intentionality in that you’re not just asking for help without thought,” Melkumian says. “You’re being respectful of the conversation and appreciating the other person’s consideration.”

When you’re specific in your ask, it avoids putting your family member in an awkward position. You don’t want them to have to guess what you need and throw out an arbitrary number. It also gives them an opportunity to offer an alternate amount of money that they’re more comfortable with.

BE OPEN TO MULTIPLE SOLUTIONS

While you should be specific in your ask, it’s just as important to be open to different ways your family might be able to help. “I would recommend talking through at least three different scenarios,” Melkumian says, including:

• A loan that’s expected to be repaid in a set amount of time, with interest
• An interest-free loan that’s expected to be repaid in a set amount of time
• A gift that isn’t expected to be repaid

Of course, if your family member has other ideas, discuss what would make them feel most comfortable. “In the end, while money is important, family is more important,” Melkumian says.

Ultimately, when asking your family for financial help, be appreciative of their consideration. “Remember that you’re giving the other person the opportunity to be helpful,” Melkumian says. “Sometimes the reverse-psychology technique is comforting, too. If your sister came to you in need of help, would you help her? Many of my clients say, ‘Absolutely.’ And that gives them some peace to go ahead and ask.”

After nearly two years of living through a global pandemic, those celebrating the holidays — and especially those gathering in person with loved ones — know there’s a lot to be grateful for. But if your wallet has taken a hit, the extra expenses of the seasons can be concerning.

And economic figures would suggest many of our pocketbooks have indeed been squeezed.

Unemployment is higher than pre-pandemic levels, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS). Inflation is surging at a pace not seen since 1990, also according to the BLS. And more than 1 in 4 adults are struggling to cover basic expenses, according to a November 2021 report from the nonpartisan research and policy institute Center on Budget and Policy Priorities.One in six renters are behind on rent, 1 in 13 homeowners are behind on mortgage payments, and nearly 1 in 8 adults with young children struggle to buy groceries, the report found.

“Inflation is making prices go through the roof,” says financial psychotherapist Alex Melkumian, PsyD, a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of the Financial Psychology Center in Los Angeles.

It’s a problem for all types of earners. Regardless of income bracket, the current financial landscape is making what’s considered “normal” now feel out of reach for many people, Dr. Melkumian says. “Everyone is having to scale down.”

And that scaling down can definitely take its toll on mental health, especially when it comes to the “most wonderful time of the year.” A lot of us have high expectations when it comes to the holidays. If you have to cut back on gift-giving or other seasonal festivities, Melkumian says: “This may bring up feelings of shortcomings and being ‘less than.’”

There may not be an easy fix for inflation or low wages. But according to Melkumian: “It helps to pause and understand that the whole world is going through it.”

Here’s more on why you might be feeling so stung by the current economic realities and how to cope.

COVID-19 Uncertainties Make Money Worries Worse

Money stress is no new phenomenon. U.S. adults ranked it as the biggest source of stress in pre-pandemic times, according to a 2015 report from the American Psychological Association (APA). More than 1 in 4 adults said then that they felt stressed about money all or most of the time.

But money stress has become more acute for many during the pandemic. Income loss and concern about financial security have been associated with increased depression, regardless of how much money people made before the pandemic or their level of anxiety related to the coronavirus itself, according to a study published in August 2021 in the Journal of Affective Disorders.

That research suggests it’s not only income loss or financial hits that cause financial stress; worrying about potential financial hardships causes stress, too.

Uncertainty around the course of the pandemic and the future of the job market can certainly trigger anxiety, says Megan McCoyMegan McCoy, PhD, a licensed marriage and family therapist and personal financial planning professor at Kansas State University, who researches the relationship between financial planning and mental health.

“Unfortunately, despite advancements with COVID-19 treatments and vaccines, we still do not know when the pandemic will truly be behind us,” Dr. McCoy says.

Money Trouble at the Holidays Delivers a Unique Sting

For many of us, gift-giving is a way of reinforcing social ties with friends and family. We can feel a deep sense of shame when we’re not able to give gifts or feel upset if we don’t receive gifts from people we’re close to who we’ve
exchanged gifts with in the past, says Ed Coambs, a certified financial planner and financial marriage and family therapist who is the author of
The Healthy Love and Money Way, and has developed financial psychology courses for couples and individuals.

“When we are wrestling with shame, we are wrestling with our sense of acceptability,” Coambs says. We fear that our relationships with loved ones will be damaged if gifts aren’t exchanged, and our sense of shame only increases when we can’t afford to give a gift that seems big enough to express how much we value the relationship.

On the flip side, we can also feel like our relationship isn’t valued if we don’t receive a gift or receive a gift that’s smaller than we expected, Coambs says.

Some people see money as a magic salve for emotional distress. So when they don’t have the funds to create the perfect holiday experience (whether it’s buying gifts or other goodies of the season), they feel distressed instead of appreciating the potential to celebrate in less expensive ways, McCoy adds.

Others equate their net worth with their self-worth, and feel any inability to afford holiday activities is a personal failure rather than a temporary financial setback, McCoy says.

In other instances, people may feel so anxious about the potential for their finances to take a turn for the worse that they cut spending too drastically and miss out on opportunities to connect with friends and family.

Especially because so many of us missed seeing family or exchanging presents because of the pandemic last year, we’re putting even more pressure on ourselves to make the holidays and our gift-giving special this year, says Debra L. Kaplan, a licensed professional counselor and financial therapist based in Tucson, Arizona.

“The feeling of ‘not enough-ness’ is prevalent for many this year. It’s as if people need to make up for lost opportunities to show love and affection,” she says. “And the holidays are already rife with emotions and family expectations.”

Tips for Coping With Financial Stress This Holiday Season

You may not be able to change your financial circumstances in time for the holidays, but there is a lot you can do to manage the stress you may feel around your spending this time of year, financial therapists say. Some things include:

• Watch out for avoidant behavior when it comes to money trouble. Refusing to take about money or open bills this time of year will only make your holiday financial stress feel worse, McCoy says.
• Reflect on (and talk about) past experiences about unmet gift expectations. Talking to someone about how you’ve felt in the past when you couldn’t give gifts or you didn’t receive gifts can help you build “financial
  empathy” into your relationships, Coambs says.
• Set boundaries to limit financial stress. Don’t be afraid to limit gifts you will give and what celebrations you will join this year if you can’t afford to do as much as you might like, Kaplan says. Consider how to
  reinvent how you celebrate to save money.
• Focus on experiences not things. Think outside the box and try a gift-making party, bake things for people, or throw a potluck instead of hosting a huge meal and footing the entire bill yourself, Melkumian suggests.