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Are you ‘revenge spending’? How to avoid the post-pandemic urge to splurge

Are you ‘revenge spending’? How to avoid the post-pandemic urge to splurge

As the world starts to open again, many of us are also opening our wallets — to spend money at restaurants, the movies, gyms — and on new clothes we previously had no place to wear during the pandemic. Some are calling it “revenge spending.”

With the end of the pandemic in sight, it’s only natural that you may be in a celebratory spending mood. After all, it’s been quite some time since we’ve had a chance to splurge on dinner with friends, travel to see relatives or simply enjoy a latte seated in a cafe. But before you go on a spree and blow all of the savings you may have been able to put away over the past year (or rack up debt on a credit card) NBC senior business correspondent Stephanie Ruhle wants you to check yourself before you wreck your budget.

Stephanie Ruhle shares top travel tips for summer vacation 2021

Understanding why we want to spend

The first thing to consider about spending is why we want to do it, said Ruhle.

“There are a couple of factors at play here,” said Ruhle. “Of course restrictions are easing and it makes sense that we would be spending more on resuming everyday things like going to restaurants or the movies.”

On top of that, people who have been able to work and who are doing OK financially are still saving a lot more than they used to, said Ruhle. “The personal savings rate last month was double April 2019 levels. In March it was quadrupled. And a new Creditcards.com survey found that over 40% of American adults are willing to take on debt to treat themselves right now.”

Ruhle said that after such a challenging year, it’s not surprising that people are trying to buy a little bit of happiness right now, and that spending can be a coping mechanism. They key is to recognize your impulse — if you can do that instead of feeling guilty, that will get you a long way toward moving past overspending.

Keep spending under control

It’s natural to want to spend money right now, but there are steps you can take to make sure things don’t get out of hand, said Ruhle.

1. Prioritize your needs. “Think about doing this before you even leave the house,” said Ruhle. “A lot of people’s bodies changed during the pandemic, and you may legitimately need new clothes,” she said. “Make a list of the items you know you want to replace before you go to the mall.”

2. Keep your values front and center. “Money is just an extension of our values,” said Alex Melkumian, Psy.D., a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Financial Psychology Center in Los Angeles, California. “It makes our values come to life through buying things or experiences or whatever we value.” Maybe you value connection or experiences or travel. Or maybe you know you enjoy spending at restaurants because it gives you a social connection. Whatever you value, make sure that your spending reflects that.

3. Set a budget. Ruhle said it’s OK to want to spend because you’ve been feeling deprived for the past 14 months. Just set a budget and let yourself do it — within reason.

Stay on track

Ruhle said that one way to keep spending under control — especially if you’re someone who’s tempted to spend online — is to remove your credit card number anywhere you have it saved.

“Try a cash diet,” she said. “Our brains have a different relationship with spending cash versus swiping a credit card.”


MONEY
What does looking ‘professional’ mean now?

MONEY
What does looking ‘professional’ mean now?

Another smart strategy is to put a 24-hour pause on all purchases. “Chances are you may not want or need the item after you’ve had more time to think about it,” Ruhle said.

You can also set a splurge budget, which Ruhle recommends instead of denying yourself. “Let yourself splurge whether it’s five bucks or 500,” she said. “It’s important that you let yourself even a little something freely.”

How to repair the damage

If you’ve overspent by a couple of bucks, or even a couple of hundred, that’s different than blowing thousands and thousands, said Ruhle. “If you can do something to undo it financially like making a return, of course start there.

More importantly, try to identify the underlying issue. “Why did you overspend?” asked Ruhle. “Were you stressed or upset when you were shopping?” Identifying the issue can go a long way to preventing other spending sprees and more importantly, toward forgiving yourself and letting go.

Take it slow

As more social invitations (and opportunities to spend money!) roll in, it can make some of us anxious, especially after so many months of just staying home.

“First take a deep breath,” suggested Ruhle. “Money is a really emotional thing, it can be challenging to deal with these feelings. Give yourself some grace,” she said.

Next, start slowly by considering your values when spending. Consider spending only on experiences with friends versus new stuff, or if you do go shopping, do so with list in hand.

“Despite all the ‘hot girl summer’ hashtags trending right now, you do not need to go out and get a new gym membership and a whole new wardrobe,” said Ruhle. ” You are doing your best and you don’t need that stuff to start getting back to normal life.”

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How to make minding your money feel like an act of self-care

How to make minding your money feel like an act of self-care

The buzz of self-care may manifest in many ways — a soothing facial mask, a bubble bath or a daily yoga practice. But when it comes to your money, you should be thinking of it as an act of self-care, too. Fixing your finances may help reduce your anxiety overall. Money is stressful for Americans, regardless of income. According to a survey from the American Psychological Association, nearly two-thirds of adults overall cite money as a “significant source of stress,” and that number jumps to 73% for those making less than $50,000 annually.

Money can feel like a difficult, and emotionally draining topic — but it doesn’t have to be. Here are five things you need to know to help ease the mental burden.

1. Identify your relationship with money.

Because we all grew up with different parents in different environments, we will all have different relationships with and emotions around money. Dr. Alex Melkumian, financial therapist and founder of the Financial Psychology Center, recommends thinking about why you behave the way you do around money, as well as asking the people close to you to do the same.

A 5-step plan to help you get out of debt

“In a way, our emotions have gotten a bad rap … as far as our financial behavior is concerned. The reason that’s happened is because when we’re looking at our financial emotions, most people describe the unbearable emotions of either resentment or anger or extreme self-doubt or self-loathing and shame,” Melkumian said. “Really understanding what our emotional lives are and how they impact our financial lives and our mental health is really important.”

2. Treat financial hygiene like physical hygiene.

“In the same way that taking vitamins, getting exercise, and eating right are just part of our daily lives, we should put that same care into our financial health,” said Stephanie Ruhle, NBC News senior business correspondent. “Financial self-care is something to be mindful of every day.”

Try different methods that work with your lifestyle. The important thing is to just do it. “Whether you do your numbers daily, weekly or monthly, figure out what works for you, or try something different,” Melkumian said.

There are lots of ways you can check in on your finances, whether through an app, a note on your phone, or even old-fashioned pen and paper. The important thing is to keep doing it consistently.

What to do in your 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s to retire with enough money

3. Saving is taking care of your future self — not depriving your current one.

“Managing your money is a form of self-care. The future you is as important as the present you. Your dividends will be paid and emotional wellness,” Melkumian explained. “In the end, we are going to help ourselves be less emotional and have a more positive mindset.”

Saving for a rainy day can help ease the stress of financial anxiety, even if it’s tough to do in the moment.

“Having that financial cushion gives you the foundation to make better decisions,” explained Ruhle. “Think about people who are in unhealthy relationships, who are in a toxic work environment — the people most likely to stay in those unhealthy situations are people who are financially trapped. Having some sense of financial security gives people the ability to make decisions more freely in their life.”

The 3-step plan this woman used to build a COVID-19 emergency fund

4. Let yourself splurge regularly — even if it’s just a few dollars.

“Part of the self-care … strategy is to include what I will call mandatory splurging as a line item in your spending plan,” Melkumian said. “You’re not depriving yourself, and that you’re able to have money to spend on yourself, even if it’s a little bit.”

If your budgeting style is too restrictive, you may end up going overboard. That’s why having some built-in fun money, even if it’s only a few dollars a month, is important to maintaining your money mindset and keeping yourself from feeling deprived.


Emily Pandise

Emily Pandise is a producer and reporter for NBC News, covering business, tech and media since 2017. In her early 20s, she realized she had no idea how to manage her money. She set out to change her financial habits, and she did. Now, she wants to help others do the same. You can find her on Twitter and Instagram @emilypandise.

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Know Your Money Culture

For millennials and Gen Z-ers, financial literacy is a germane topic as young adults grow into responsibility for their own economic decisions. Although managing personal finances is a critical aspect of independence many are, at first, daunted by the task—feeling ill-equipped for financial decisions and unsure of the best course of action. Often, people cite the lack of personal finance classes in high school as a principle source of their discomfort; but many factors beyond such external resources work together to influence financial behavior. One’s cultural narrative figures heavily, our cultural background affecting our financial decisions as much as our ideas and opinions. The cultural narrative is a primary source from which our thoughts and feelings about money originate.

As a Canadian with Japanese and Russian backgrounds, and having lived in Japan and Canada, I can proudly say that I am truly multi-cultural. Each of my diverse cultures has distinct values, passed from generation to generation, and as deeply ingrained in me as in my parents and grandparents. While some of these values share basic elements, others clash with one another— resulting in confusion and ambiguity over my decision-making. This process repeats every time a major issue arises to re-trigger conflicting mentalities, temporarily allowing my emotions to take over the decision making. On the surface, financial behaviors may seem to be detached from our cultural background but, in fact, cultural norms and beliefs affect our financial decisions in subconscious ways that cannot be explained merely quantitatively.

For example, the concept of investing has only recently begun to spread among the younger generation in Japan as an effective way to grow personal assets. Growing up in Japan I was never exposed to the notion of personal investment. Asked about Japanese openness to personal investment, Japan strategist at a Hong Kong-based brokerage firm, Nicholas Smith, stated, “Japan at the moment just doesn’t have the culture for it.”

The Japanese do not reject personal investing outright; but, unlike North Americans, investing simply isn’t the first line of accumulating wealth for many Japanese. It was only after I came to Canada that I heard people talking casually about investing in the course of daily conversations. This example demonstrates how differences in values between cultures affect what financial concepts and strategies dominate personal finance.

Here is another fascinating example. In 2018, Swiss researchers Brown, Henchoz, and Spycher surveyed over 700 secondary school students in the Swiss canton of Fribourg, on the border between French- and German-speaking regions, to investigate the effect of cultural background on financial literacy and attitudes. They found that German-speaking students had a higher level of financial literacy than French speakers, due to a significant disparity in their “embedded cultural differences.” They reported that “students in the German speaking region are more likely to receive pocket money at an early age and are more likely to have independent access to a bank account than students in the French speaking region.” Thus, in spite of geographical uniformity, the different German and French societal customs created major differences in the financial competency of the two populations.

As shown above, although economic education may play a role in young people’s personal financial literacy, cultural inclinations exert far more influence. We need to acknowledge that no one-size-fits-all approach will succeed in increasing financial literacy for millennials and Gen Z-ers. Both our culture and our own emotions contribute to our financial decision-making, and any instruction must be tailored to recognize and support differences among various ethno-cultural groups and individuals.

In addition to acknowledging your own cultural background, certain traits are labelled for different generations. For example, many claim—with good reason—that Gen Z-ers are tech-dependent. While growing up, using technology has been an integral part of daily routine. On the other hand, some claim that our wariness about the future may be a significant factor in our lack of financial knowledge. For millennials, the stereotypes range from a need for accommodation and flexibility to insistence on knowing the “why” of everything. Although such generalizations do not apply to everyone, nevertheless they may serve to plant certain ideas in our heads. Likewise, different perceptions and treatment of different generations play a large part in our financial conduct. Our own background might seem to be irrelevant in the topic of financial literacy, but it is important to recognize and appreciate all the elements responsible for our behavior to help us understand why we make—or resist making—certain economic decisions.

Our challenge is to respectfully acknowledge our personal and cultural heritage, embrace it, and use it to our advantage to make sound financial decisions. It begins with compassionate self-reflection. Many find the necessary internal examination easier with the help of a professional. Above all, knowledge is key and the ball is in our court.

For a free consultation about your best course to financial stability and health, call 818.600.2264

References

Brown, M., Henchoz, C., & Spycher, T. (2018). Culture and financial literacy: Evidence from a within-country language border. Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization, 150, 62–85. doi:10.1016/j.jebo.2018.03.011.

Generation Z Stereotypes: Debunking the Myths of Generation Z. (n.d.). Retrieved August 13, 2020, from https://www.npd.com/wps/portal/npd/us/news/tips-trends-takeaways/guide-to-gen-z-debunking-the-myths-of-our-youngest-generation/

Obe, M. (2017, August 28). In Japan, the lottery is out and investing is in. Nikkei Asian Review. https://asia.nikkei.com/Economy/In-Japan-the-lottery-is-out-and-investing-is-in.

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Tips From Counselors on How to Manage Financial Stress During a Crisis

(3M) – More than 3 million Americans filed for unemployment during a single week in March as the spread of the novel coronavirus (SARS-CoV-2, which causes the disease COVID-19) forced businesses to shutter and people to stay home. Job loss, reduced work hours and financial insecurity caused by the pandemic are exacerbating stress that already stems from money.

“Whether people have a lot of money or people have no money, money is a really stressful thing in our lives,” said Maureen Kelley, a Denver-based financial therapist and founder of MADRE (Money, Assets and Durable Relationships). “This crisis we’re working [with], dealing with and living with now, it just accentuated it. And the fear and the panic around this is exponential.”

Effects of Financial Stress

Financial, physical, mental and emotional health are all intertwined.

“We can’t just assume that it’s only financial stress,” said Alex Melkumian, Psy.D., LMFT, founder of the Financial Psychology Center External link  in Los Angeles. “It’s also psychological stress, emotional stress [and] the stress that compounds our concern about our physical well-being.”

Fear and panic associated with stress can trigger the fight, flight or freeze response. Melkumian explained that we react to stress because our emotional brain, or limbic system, can take over and cloud our ability to make rational decisions.

Financial, physical, mental and emotional health are all intertwined.

“And that’s when you see the really negative response to the stress, which can be overthinking, a lot of anxiety, worry, sadness and despair,” he said.

Studies have shown that financial stress can lead to a range of physical and psychological complications. Depression, anxiety and poor work performance are among the possible psychological effects of financial stress (PDF, 254 KB). The physical health complications of financial stress can include cardiovascular disease, increased mortality, inflammation, hypertension, diabetes and digestion problems.

Long-term financial stress can also negatively affect immune response.

“When we’re stressed—chronically stressed—that stress response takes away from our immune system functioning,” Melkumian said. “We’re actually reducing our ability to cope with the virus.”

Tips for Managing Financial Stress in a Crisis

Kelley has seen an uptick in fear and panic among her clients. And although she believes the economy will bounce back, the lingering question for many people is when that will happen.

“There’s a lot of uncertainty with this,” she said. “People are losing their jobs, their hours are cut, retirement portfolios have been decimated. These fears are very real for us as a country.”

Rather than becoming paralyzed by fear and making irrational decisions, Kelly says that it’s important to learn how to manage fear, stress and anxiety.

“Look at the small things that are in your control right now around spending and know that this will pass,” she said.

OnlineCounselingPrograms.com asked a number of experts in the realm of financial counseling and coaching for tips on how to manage financial stress during crises.

1. Practice mindfulness

Become more aware of how you are feeling and identify the root of those feelings in order to move away from a panicked state.

Financial coach Jenn Steliga explained that it’s important to get comfortable being uncomfortable.

“The more we push our feelings away or ignore them, research actually shows that they grow and get out of control,” she said. “Then, we’re in a position where our emotions are controlling us.”

Simple mindfulness practices can help ease anxiety. Steliga said that if you notice you are feeling anxious, stop and ask yourself something simple.

“Sounds very silly,” she said, “but if you can say, ‘Where are my feet?’ you bring focus to something.”

Melkumian also suggested making time for short, incremental meditation sessions for a few minutes throughout the day to alleviate the buildup of stress.

2. Talk about money

“Money is still the last taboo in our culture,” Kelley said. “Nobody likes to talk about it. It’s uncomfortable. People don’t know how to talk about it.”

Money can be difficult to discuss because it is often surrounded by feelings of shame, guilt and embarrassment. Those feelings can be heightened in a crisis. Kelley encouraged people to find a safe space to talk about money with a friend, family member, financial advisor or therapist.

“Often when you’re just able to verbalize it or share it with someone else, that in itself relieves a lot of stress,” Kelley said.

3. Make a financial plan

Free budgeting apps can help families create and track budgets

“A budget is not just tracking their expenses,” Steliga said. “It’s spending every dollar on paper on purpose, before they ever hand it out to anyone at all.”

For those facing true financial hardship, it’s best to prioritize spending on basic needs including housing, utilities, food and transportation. Kelley suggested cutting down on nonessential spending and “really looking at what are the things that I can control in my spending and what are the things that are not essential that I can cut out.”

When it comes to shopping, shop intentionally, Steliga added. Take stock of products you have in your house; then, make a shopping list and stick to it.

4. Don’t focus on getting out of debt during a crisis

After meeting your basic needs, including bills and legal obligations, make your minimum payments on loans and credit lines but don’t worry about paying off debt.

“A lot of people would say, ‘Hurry up and get out of debt,’ which is a really big misconception,” said Wendy Wright, LMFT, a financial therapist based in Denver. She encourages clients to build savings while paying down debt.

It can be tempting to take on more debt when money is tight during a crisis, but try to minimize new debt. Don’t let short-term panic dictate long-term financial decisions.

5. Save money when you can

Wright suggested tracking how much money is required to meet basic obligations and then putting extra funds in a savings account for a set period of time. She encouraged using a timeline of three months and revisiting the situation after that time has passed. Having a set window to focus on saving can help reduce anxiety.

“Our brains like a beginning and an end,” Wright said.

Tips for Managing Financial Stress Combined With Other Anxiety

Financial stress from the coronavirus outbreak can compound general stress surrounding the pandemic. It can also exacerbate pre-existing mental health issues, such as anxiety or depression.

The following strategies can help mitigate financial stress when paired with other mental health concerns in a crisis.

Set a specific schedule

Creating and maintaining a schedule can provide structure for people who are home-schooling or caring for their children while dealing with struggles like job loss and financial insecurity. Schedules set boundaries and can help people avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms like binge-watching television, drinking too much or online shopping.

“Within that schedule, give yourself very specific time to job search and to get yourself on a budget,” Steliga said. “Be very specific.”

Rather than committing to looking for jobs without a real plan in place, Steliga suggested telling yourself, “I will job search for 30 minutes tomorrow morning at 9 a.m. at my kitchen table with my coffee while my kids are doing homework.”

Practice basic self-care

Eat well, exercise, and try to avoid round-the-clock binge-watching. Avoid heavy social media use and excessive news consumption.

“Do the things that bring you into a good place so that you can continue to make good choices,” Steliga said.

Treat yourself with compassion and practice gratitude

People are being asked to make important decisions while dealing with fatigue. Wright said that “pacing yourself, building a routine [and] sticking to your routine as much as possible” can help create a sense of steadiness during uncertain times. That can also include maintaining previously established mental health interventions.

She also said that it’s important to remember everybody is doing the best they can.

Recognize and address grief and worry

Crises can bring a heavy sense of loss. Identifying the stage of grief that you’re experiencing (denial, anger, bargaining, depression or acceptance) can help you build connections with others. People experience grief at different rates, so naming which stage you are in can allow you relate to people in different stages.

Melkumian also encouraged “scheduled worry sessions”—actually set aside 5 to 10 minutes during the day where you allow yourself to worry. The paradoxical intervention helps contain anxiety.

“You get your worries out for 10 minutes, but then the rest of the day you’re worry-free,” he said.

Although worrisome thoughts may still arise throughout the day, it’s up to you to guard your own mental well-being and protect yourself from those automatic thoughts, Melkumian said.

Lean on support systems

Staying connected in times of crisis is vital.

Seek financial advice from people who are grounded. Look for support from friends, family members and counselors who are financially stable. And if you are unable to see your regular counselor, look into telehealth options.

Additional Resources for Managing Stress Related to COVID-19

These resources can help alleviate financial and other stress-related to the coronavirus outbreak.

Financial Resources

Mental Health Resources

This article is for informational purposes only. Reach out to a financial professional before making any important financial decisions. If you are experiencing mental health issues related to financial concerns, consult a mental health professional.

Are you interested in supporting people through mental and emotional challenges? Learn more about how to become a counselor.

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Using Shopping as a Coping Mechanism for Stress

And how to survive buyer’s remorse.

In times of intense uncertainty most of us experience heightened emotions and deal with them as best we can. As we are navigating the uncertainty of the COVID-19 pandemic, many people are inundated with feelings of panic, extreme stress and anxiety about their health, finances and emotional stability. We all cope with the distress by engaging in behaviors with the underlying hope to feel “normal.”

Despite the tumultuous circumstances, some of us find shopping for nonessential items fills the need to feel like everything is “normal.” It takes us back to a simpler time and soothes us with a familiar, comforting behavior. Unconsciously, some do it to excess, in hopes of staying in the emotional comfort zone.

Then the reality of our overspending hits.

Prudence and budget were thrown out the window as we spend unconsciously to soothe our emotions. Then comes the feeling of overwhelming shame and buyer’s remorse.

On top of that, we may feel a moral dilemma around putting other people at risk of the COVID-19 virus as they package and deliver the nonessentials that we bought. Despite the very unlikely possibility of the newly arrived nonessential package infecting someone in the home, the complications of the emotions and morality create an unnerving reality.

How to deal with the moral and emotional dilemma of overspending.

  • Understand your habits. Physical, mental, and financial health are deeply intertwined.
  • Review your numbers. Create some fun money so you can spend comfortably to satisfy that need.
  • Be realistic about the virus. Follow the CDC-directed guidelines and remember this pandemic is still growing.
  • Focus on your and your family’s safety. There will be plenty of time for shopping later in the year.
  • Don’t expect to forgo non-essential shopping completely. In times of crisis and uncertainty people cope with their concerns through comforting behaviors, this is typical behavior and if done with restraint it will support your emotional needs rather than complicate your inner peace.

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Fight. Flight. Freeze. How are you Responding to the Coronavirus?

Quick Check-In on how your brain is processing the COVID-19 Pandemic

If you are like most Americans, you were already experiencing chronic stress around your finances according to the Stress in America survey done by the American Psychological Association. The current state of emergency due to the novel coronavirus pandemic has affected a tremendous amount of people raising the overall stress levels to unprecedented proportions.

Not all stress is bad. In simple terms it can be viewed as our response to a threat. It urges us to move away from danger and stay safe. However, our brains are interpretation machines and how they perceive the threat of the COVID-19 pandemic to our health and our financial stability will determine the level of our stress response.

A stress response is both psychological and physiological, it affects both our mind and body. Chronic and acute stress triggers our survival mode which activates the fight, flight or freeze response. The first two are appropriate responses during hard times. It’s a call-to-action by our brains. The freeze response is the most detrimental as it makes you “dead in the water” and unable to adapt and change to your new circumstances.

ACTION:

Take a moment to check in with yourself. Are you in fight, flight or freeze right now?

REACTION:

Fight. The fight response may provide you with a bit of an edge and get you into action. The Coronavirus pandemic has halted so much of our lives so it’s easy to feel powerless, but you are not helpless. Stay focused since too much edge / anger can quickly become detrimental You’re in it for the long haul. You know it’s going to take time. However, when channeled properly fight response can lead to (positive) confrontation and clarity of what’s next.

Flight. Stay present. Your brain is telling you that you are in danger of COVID-19 and financial doom. It wants to flee. While there may be some truth to the feeling of danger it is completely disproportionate to your reality. Use mindfulness and grounding to get clear on what is triggering your stress response. 1-minute meditations, deep breathing, mindful exercise can all bring you back into the moment. In the present you are likely healthy, with a roof over your head and food in the cupboard. The future is uncertain but accepting that sooner rather than later will help you enter fight mode so you can care for yourself, your family and your community.

Freeze. You must get unstuck. To do so you may need to engage in something completely counterintuitive. Action! Having too much time on our hands due to the pandemic can be retriggering the same freeze response over and over. Start a new workout routine, learn to play an instrument, even reading a book can help you thaw out. By using our bodies to get into action we get our brains to unfreeze