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Alex Melkumian

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Working Through the Big Emotions of Financial Upheaval

(RallyHealth) – If your finances make you anxious, you’re not alone. Before anyone had ever heard of COVID-19, 60% of Americans were stressed out by money, according to the American Psychological Association. None of us are untouched by uncertainty about what lies ahead, and that can cause unexpected emotions.

“Entering into this crisis, most of us already had anxiety and stress around money,” says Brad Klontz, PsyD, CFP, a financial psychologist and managing principal at Your Mental Wealth Advisors and associate professor at Creighton University. “Then you throw the virus on top of it. You’re worried about your financial situation, and you’re also worried about people you love getting sick.”

It’s normal to need time to come to terms with layoffs, business closures, investment losses, or other financial upheaval due to COVID-19. And it’s OK to be upset about the situation, says Patricia Tidwell, PhD, a licensed clinical social worker. “It’s incredibly stressful,” she says. “I’d be worried about people if they weren’t upset.”

But there are many ways to move through the financial stress, anger, and sadness to a place of action. By recognizing your emotions, you can use them to drive your effort to take as much control of your financial situation as possible. Financial and mental health experts share insights on how to get started.

Identify Your Emotions

“We all have feelings and beliefs about money: earning money, having money, losing money,” says Tidwell. “Anger, grief, anxiety, and sadness are all feelings that are healthy, albeit uncomfortable, to have about what is happening now.”

Alex Melkumian, PsyD, a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of the Financial Psychology Center, adds fear, worry, and avoidance to the list. He says that financial stress from the pandemic can force people into survival mode. “Being in survival mode activates the fight, flight, or freeze response,” he says. “Considering the sudden onset of the pandemic, many people are in the freeze cycle. They feel paralyzed or are overthinking what to do next.”

The first step to working through these emotions is recognizing them and understanding that they are normal, Tidwell says. By taking a moment to identify what you’re feeling, you’ll be able to more easily find ways to work toward solutions.

“The sooner you can get to acceptance, as difficult as it may seem, everything else will be easier,” says Melkumian. “It’s a mental pivot that will disengage the emotional part of your brain, which is not helpful in moments like these.”

Recognize What’s Out of Your Control

Unlike other, more personal financial upheavals, remember that many of the economic forces of COVID-19 are completely out of your control. Your state or local government may have told you that you can’t go to work or need to work altered hours. And it’s necessary for people to stay away from businesses in order to stop the spread of the virus. If these circumstances have altered your financial situation, it’s important to recognize that it’s not your fault, says Klontz.

“The good news is you don’t need to feel ashamed about it,” he says. “You’re also not alone.”

By recognizing this, you can avoid “personalizing the pandemic,” says Melkumian. Keeping an eye on the big picture can protect you from some of the negative emotions that are often associated with financial trouble, such as shame and guilt.

Find Healthy Ways to Manage Money

Once you’ve identified your emotions, it’s important to find mindful ways to manage them, says Tidwell. She suggests a physical exercise for a serotonin boost and meditation for reducing anxiety.

“Putting feelings into words also helps reduce the experience of feeling overwhelmed,” she says. “Talking to others helps you feel less alone. It can be helpful to learn that others are in similar situations with similar feelings.” Consider talking to a therapist or other mental health professional for more personalized methods for handling your emotions, she says. If you’re employed, check if your company offers free counseling through your health benefits or an employee assistance program.

If you still feel paralyzed by fear and anxiety, Klontz suggests confronting it head-on by thinking through any worst-case scenarios. What if you lose your job? Maybe that means you wouldn’t be able to pay your mortgage, and would eventually have to move in with your parents. Though it’s difficult to think about, letting this hypothetical play out can actually calm your body’s “life or death” reaction, by demonstrating that even in the very worst-case scenario, you will likely still be physically safe, Klontz says.

Fight Regret with Action

With so much uncertainty ahead, it can be easy to fall into regret about the past. Why didn’t you start that emergency fund earlier? Why did you take that vacation last year, when you could have saved that money? While it’s natural to wonder about the what-ifs, it’s important to remember that dwelling on the past will do nothing to improve your current situation, says Tidwell.

“Regret is about mourning a lost opportunity, and is often filled with shame,” she says. “It can take over, making it harder to do what will help now.”

Instead of letting your regret balloon into shame, which can keep you stuck, use any missed opportunities as lessons for the future, helping you chart a path forward, Klontz says.

“Did you have an emergency fund?” he asks. “Probably not. That makes you the average American. But now you see why you need one. This is a perfect opportunity for you to look at your spending habits.”

Take Control of What You Can

Being stuck at home may actually give you the time to start sorting out your finances in a way you haven’t been able to before. Maybe you can create a pandemic-specific budget, or place some monthly subscriptions on pause and use those savings to start a rainy day fund. This type of action might be exactly what you need to ease your financial worries, says Tidwell. “Taking stock and making plans can reduce anxiety and help you feel more in control,” she says.

“Become conscious of your spending, looking for ways to minimize expenses that are unnecessary,” Klontz suggests. “Interest rates are really low, so maybe now is the time to refinance your mortgage. There are opportunities right now for people.”

He also suggests researching some of the federal relief programs to see what type of assistance you may qualify for, especially if you’re a small business owner. And to keep yourself motivated, remember that, eventually, the COVID-19 pandemic will be in the past.

“Picture yourself when this is all over,” Klontz says. “How do you wish you would have gone through it, including your mindset, attitude, and behavior? Try to be that person now, because eventually this will be over.”

Note to our readers: This information is being made available as a free resource to the public. It is not an endorsement of any of the Finance-Related Resources listed in this article — financial consultants, planners, services, organizations/associations, websites, tools, lenders, credit unions, or banks. None of the finance-related resources listed have solicited Rally Health to be included, and Rally Health receives no compensation from the Finance-Related Resources mentioned in this article.

KATE ROCKWOOD

Rally Health

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Using Shopping as a Coping Mechanism for Stress

And how to survive buyer’s remorse.

In times of intense uncertainty most of us experience heightened emotions and deal with them as best we can. As we are navigating the uncertainty of the COVID-19 pandemic, many people are inundated with feelings of panic, extreme stress and anxiety about their health, finances and emotional stability. We all cope with the distress by engaging in behaviors with the underlying hope to feel “normal.”

Despite the tumultuous circumstances, some of us find shopping for nonessential items fills the need to feel like everything is “normal.” It takes us back to a simpler time and soothes us with a familiar, comforting behavior. Unconsciously, some do it to excess, in hopes of staying in the emotional comfort zone.

Then the reality of our overspending hits.

Prudence and budget were thrown out the window as we spend unconsciously to soothe our emotions. Then comes the feeling of overwhelming shame and buyer’s remorse.

On top of that, we may feel a moral dilemma around putting other people at risk of the COVID-19 virus as they package and deliver the nonessentials that we bought. Despite the very unlikely possibility of the newly arrived nonessential package infecting someone in the home, the complications of the emotions and morality create an unnerving reality.

How to deal with the moral and emotional dilemma of overspending.

  • Understand your habits. Physical, mental, and financial health are deeply intertwined.
  • Review your numbers. Create some fun money so you can spend comfortably to satisfy that need.
  • Be realistic about the virus. Follow the CDC-directed guidelines and remember this pandemic is still growing.
  • Focus on your and your family’s safety. There will be plenty of time for shopping later in the year.
  • Don’t expect to forgo non-essential shopping completely. In times of crisis and uncertainty people cope with their concerns through comforting behaviors, this is typical behavior and if done with restraint it will support your emotional needs rather than complicate your inner peace.

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Stop assuming millennials struggling financially have a spending problem

Written by: Megan Leonhardt

Maybe you’ve heard it from your parents or seen it on social media, but a certain piece of advice seems to pervade the financial world: If you just stop spending on unnecessary luxuries — from lattes to avocado toast — you could afford the everyday essentials without the struggle.

However, that’s often not true. The problem is that simply telling people, particularly millennials (ages 24 to 39), that they have a spending problem or recommending they trim their budget if they’re struggling to afford expenses misses the point, experts say.

“In my experience, those with few resources are quite savvy with the resources they do have — they are creative and often manage their money better than people who do who have money because they have to,” says Kristy L. Archuleta, a professor in the University of Georgia’s financial planning, housing and consumer economics department.

Why do people immediately assume it’s a spending problem?

The misconception around why some people struggle to make their money stretch to cover all their expenses and savings goals is due, in part, to the fact that poverty and living in poverty is not a “one size fits all issue,” Archuleta tells CNBC Make It.

This thought process typically happens because most Americans are trying to simplify a situation that often stems from complex problems. Those who are living in poverty or even those juggling expenses paycheck to paycheck may also be grappling with issues that range from racial and ethnic inequality to addiction and mental health issues, says Farnoosh Torabi, personal finance author and host of the “So Money” podcast.

In my experience, those with few resources are quite savvy with the resources they do have — they are creative and often manage their money better than people who do who have money because they have to.
Kristy Archuleta
PROFESSOR AT THE UNIVERSITY OF GEORGIA

Americans are a culture obsessed with budgeting and cutting coupons, Torabi tells CNBC Make It. “We tend to have a narrow mindset when it comes to earning our financial independence,” she says. “We are led to believe that if people just cut their Netflix subscriptions or stopped buying $9 smoothies, that they’d be able to retire wealthy.”

Americans tend to also buy into the mindset that they have fewer options when it comes to their income potential, so they focus on what they buy and how they spend, Torabi says. Cutting down your budget to make ends meet might feel like something that’s more in your control.

But for some Americans, simply cutting entertainment and dining budgets — if they even had them to begin with — will not solve all their financial shortfalls. In many cases, they still can’t make child care or student loan payments. What do they do then?

For some Americans, there are systemic issues at play

“I’m all about taking financial matters into your own hands to the fullest extent. It’s important to save and be mindful of spending, but it’s not the true reason so many people are struggling financially,” Torabi says, pointing to the fact that wages have been stagnant for decades while the cost of living has escalated.

At some point, you don’t have a spending problem, Torabi says. Instead, “you might have an income problem or perhaps a living-in-the-current-United-States problem,” Torabi says.

Real wages effectively remained stalled last year, showing only a 0.2% year-over-year increase, according to the PayScale Index. But looking longer term, PayScale found median wages, when adjusted for inflation, actually declined 9% since 2006.

Meanwhile, basic costs increased year-over-year by 2.3% from December 2018 to December 2019, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics’s Consumer Price Index. The cost of medical care rose 4.6% in 2019, the largest year-over-year increase since 2007, the BLS reports. Housing also jumped 3.2% last year, while education expenses rose 2.1% and food prices increased by about 1.8%.

You can skip on lattes all you want, but if you have $100,000 debt from student loans and you’re a psychologist or you’re in social sciences or the arts, you’re going to have a hard time paying for those loans.
Alex Melkumian
FINANCIAL THERAPIST AND FOUNDER OF THE FINANCIAL PSYCHOLOGY CENTER

The reason why many others are in debt is not because of buying too much coffee. Rather, it’s debt from expensive mortgages, student loans or even medical expenses, Alex Melkumian, a financial therapist and founder of the Financial Psychology Center, tells CNBC Make It.

“You can skip on lattes all you want, but if you have $100,000 debt from student loans and you’re a psychologist or you’re in social sciences or the arts, you’re going to have a hard time paying for those loans,” he says.

Overall, there are many systemic and policy issues that impact our financial lives, Torabi says. “It’s not fair or accurate to just call out somebody’s spending habits.”

What to do if you are simply spending too much

That’s not to say no one is overspending. Almost three-quarters of Americans have a budget of some kind, but 79% say they can’t stick to it, according to a December poll of 2,000 U.S. adults by shopping site Slickdeals. On average, they overshoot by about $150 a week, or about $7,400 a year.

The top three categories that cause overspending are online shopping, grocery shopping, and subscription services, the poll found, although coffee did make the top 10.

If you fall into that camp, it may be time to build a sustainable budget or take a hard look at your existing budget. Where are you overspending? What can you do to adjust to make it more reasonable?

You may want to start by eliminating distractions that can push you to spend: avoid social media, unsubscribe from marketing emails and untether your credit card from all those apps on your phone.

“We sometimes turn to spending as a way to release stress, anxiety, and other bad feelings — It’s a coping mechanism.
Farnoosh Torabi
PERSONAL FINANCE EXPERT AND AUTHOR

That doesn’t mean you can’t have any fun with your budget, Melkumian says. To stay on track and avoid any feelings of deprivation, he recommends his clients have a small amount set aside in their monthly budgets for “mandatory splurging.” This could be 1% of your monthly budget or an actual dollar amount — from $5 to even $100, whatever your budget will responsibly allow.

“When people have a hard time looking at numbers, because it means deprivation and it means the budget is going to take away my freedom, putting a line item that says something fun like mandatory splurging re-writes the narrative and helps redefine what that budget means to them,” Melkumian says.

If you are truly struggling with overspending, try to understand what’s at the root of it, Torabi says. Are you spending when you’re emotional? What’s triggering those emotions?

“We sometimes turn to spending as a way to release stress, anxiety and other bad feelings,” Torabi says. “It’s a coping mechanism and produces an actual chemical ‘high’…so we keep doing it.” Take time to solve the underlying problem: why you are spending in the first place. That may mean seeking out some counsel.

“You may want to work with a professional to sort some of your issues out and cure this once and for all,” Torabi says.

 

Originally published: https://www.cnbc.com/2020/03/03/stop-assuming-millennials-have-a-spending-problem.html

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Financial Stress and Your Immune System

How financial stress makes you susceptible to viruses and what to do about it.

On your average day, most of us endure a certain amount of financial stress. With the coronavirus pandemic threatening millions and millions of jobs globally, financial stress has shot through the roof. The biggest problem, particularly now, is that any kind of stress creates wear and tear on several systems in our bodies, including our immune system. Managing and reducing your stress levels is crucial if we come into closer contact with the coronavirus. As with any virus, the COVID19 respiratory virus requires a healthy immune system to have a chance at surviving it.

Understanding Stress.

We mostly think of stress as a psychological issue where we are overthinking, worrying, irritable, restless or overwhelmed. However, these mental strains affect the body as well as we experience tense muscles, racing heart, fatigue, insomnia, and lack of appetite. If you are worried about job security, paying bills or your retirement, the psychological stress creates a physical reaction. It channels energy and resources towards your nervous system to help restore your mental equilibrium.

Mental stress leaves your immune system vulnerable and unable to function optimally.

The human body operates on the principle of efficiency, only using what it needs and prioritizing what it considers to be most important. Under normal circumstances, one of the body’s primary focuses is maintaining the immune system as it is the body’s first line of defense against biological threats like germs, bacteria, and viruses. But in times of crisis, your body will go into survival mode and start limiting the allocation of resources. It will direct a lot of energy to your brain to solve the stress associated with financial challenges bombarding it. Your body is naturally resilient. By controlling your stress, you will allow it to focus on what is most important right now: your immune system.

What to do to reduce stress and strengthen your immune system.

  • Worry Sessions
    Speak to a trusted, positive friend about your financial concerns or even have a self-chat and play both the negative and positive stories. Keep it short. Set a timer. Ten minutes is enough. Vent your worries without overreacting or overindulging. Acknowledge your feelings, but don’t wallow in the negative ones.
  • Stay Aware
    Be mindful throughout the day. Stay aware of your inner dialogue the rest of the day as financial fear may still arise. Set them aside until your next worry session.
  • Breathing (mind/body)
    During the day if you feel anxiety creeping up on you, practice deep breathing. Supplying oxygen to the brain is one of the best ways to reduce stress. It stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) and the amygdala (emotional part of the brain) to induce immediate calmness.
  • Exercise
    No need to run a marathon. And, right now you can’t go to the gym. But you can go for walks in safe areas or set up a spot in your home, connect with an online workout or yoga class. It is important to feel present in your body.
  • Connection
    In the era of “social distancing”, we MUST also remember that connecting with other human beings, especially in a time of crisis, is crucial to our ability to remain calm and build stamina for the fight ahead. Reach out on the phone, video chat or speak with someone already in your home. Get the support you need and offer support to others. This helps us to get out of our own head and fear.
  • Calm your nerves, boost your immune system.
    From essential oils, herbal teas and organic supplements there are countless items on the market today that offer holistic support to your physiology. Research online, ask friends or consult with a nutritionist or medical professional to find the best support for your system’s needs.

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Fight. Flight. Freeze. How are you Responding to the Coronavirus?

Quick Check-In on how your brain is processing the COVID-19 Pandemic

If you are like most Americans, you were already experiencing chronic stress around your finances according to the Stress in America survey done by the American Psychological Association. The current state of emergency due to the novel coronavirus pandemic has affected a tremendous amount of people raising the overall stress levels to unprecedented proportions.

Not all stress is bad. In simple terms it can be viewed as our response to a threat. It urges us to move away from danger and stay safe. However, our brains are interpretation machines and how they perceive the threat of the COVID-19 pandemic to our health and our financial stability will determine the level of our stress response.

A stress response is both psychological and physiological, it affects both our mind and body. Chronic and acute stress triggers our survival mode which activates the fight, flight or freeze response. The first two are appropriate responses during hard times. It’s a call-to-action by our brains. The freeze response is the most detrimental as it makes you “dead in the water” and unable to adapt and change to your new circumstances.

ACTION:

Take a moment to check in with yourself. Are you in fight, flight or freeze right now?

REACTION:

Fight. The fight response may provide you with a bit of an edge and get you into action. The Coronavirus pandemic has halted so much of our lives so it’s easy to feel powerless, but you are not helpless. Stay focused since too much edge / anger can quickly become detrimental You’re in it for the long haul. You know it’s going to take time. However, when channeled properly fight response can lead to (positive) confrontation and clarity of what’s next.

Flight. Stay present. Your brain is telling you that you are in danger of COVID-19 and financial doom. It wants to flee. While there may be some truth to the feeling of danger it is completely disproportionate to your reality. Use mindfulness and grounding to get clear on what is triggering your stress response. 1-minute meditations, deep breathing, mindful exercise can all bring you back into the moment. In the present you are likely healthy, with a roof over your head and food in the cupboard. The future is uncertain but accepting that sooner rather than later will help you enter fight mode so you can care for yourself, your family and your community.

Freeze. You must get unstuck. To do so you may need to engage in something completely counterintuitive. Action! Having too much time on our hands due to the pandemic can be retriggering the same freeze response over and over. Start a new workout routine, learn to play an instrument, even reading a book can help you thaw out. By using our bodies to get into action we get our brains to unfreeze

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Financial Stress in the Time of the Coronavirus

With the President announcing a nationwide state of emergency, there is no doubt that the novel coronavirus (COVID-19) is having a major impact on our country. Schools, events and businesses have closed across the country, impacting millions of people where they feel it the most, their wallets.

While more and more Americans are living in fear over catching or carrying the virus, millions also are adding financial stress as a leading anxiety as they are losing work, paid gigs, or require childcare. While health is, of course, the primary concern, it is also crucial that the additional financial stress is recognized and addressed.

The government is working on ways to alleviate the financial burden that will be experienced by millions of Americans due to the Corona Virus, however, there are key actions individuals do for themselves to help deal with their financial anxiety.

  1. Acceptance

Acknowledge what you are feeling and move on. The sooner you can get into acceptance, as difficult as it may seem, will make everything else easier. Accepting that we live in a new reality will help you start taking the steps to help yourself. It is a mental pivot that will disengage the emotional part of your brain, which is not helpful in moments like these. Your limbic brain, which is your emotional processing center, is sending out stress alarms to the rest of your mind and body most likely causing a fight, flight or freeze reaction. This is our primal caveman response to stress and keeps us stuck and suffering in anxiety. Acceptance helps you externalize the problem, which allows you to discover the relevant part of your fear. Once you accept the state of the world, you will be able to clearly see how it affects you and by focusing on those items, you will be able to make plans and decisions.

  1. Be Present

Our regrets live in the past, our fears and worries live in the future. In times of high stress staying present in the here and now is the antidote to the ruminating thoughts and negative emotions that are driving the fear. Use mindfulness to scan your body for stress and tension in the moments you are feeling it. This will help you to realize that you are physically safe, and it will help block out the outside chatter that is often amplifying fear, insecurity, and anxiety. Staying present will also provide the mental edge to help yourself and your loved ones when the opportunity presents itself.

  1. Spiritual Solution

When times are tough, turning to a spiritual answer can help provide context and give meaning to your struggle. The context of a higher purpose can right-size your current worries. Human beings make meaning of everything we encounter and this current situation with the Coronavirus is no different. This is a time of struggle for everyone. Struggle can often be unmotivating and depressing, but if you seek an uplifting spiritual solution you will find uplifting and even inspiring moments despite the seeming chaos of our current world.

“Worrying does not take away tomorrow’s troubles. It takes away today’s peace.” ― Randy Armstrong